October 25, 2011 at 3:16 pm | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Wooooohooooo! That describes how I am feeling right now.

It has been almost 2 years now since I separated from my ex-husband. I think I can truly say I have finally healed. At long last I feel alive again. Divorce was a painful experience, but not nearly as painful as… well let’s save that for another post, lol. All I can say is for the first time in my life I understand who I am and why God put me on this earth. I understand my assignment like never before. I made my assignment revolve around the false image of a fairytale marriage, an image that I created. I hurt people by misleading them to believe I lived in a fairytale only to send reality crashing down on them, and for that I apologize. God took my idol — my marriage and my family — away from me, because I gave it the glory rather than Him. The life of a Prophet is often times a harsh one. God has a special love for His prophets, and those He loves the most, He also chastens the most.  But His reproof has caused a great re-birthing in my life and I am once again ready to share the joy of love and intimacy, and the victories of overcoming strongholds and detrimental beliefs about sex and relationships with my followers.

If you are looking for Pastor Emmanuel you can get his contact info on the home page of our old website, http://www.heartcompassion.org. He is doing wonderful. We have a great relationship post-divorce and work closely together as friends raising our children. A lot of people were blessed during our marriage and the fruit of that season was good for the time it endured. Don’t be sad for us. We are finally in position to be re-positioned in the center of God’s perfect will for our lives and about that we are both excited.  My assignment outlived my marriage, and here I was thinking that they were one in the same!  Shame on me for trying to imprison The Anointing within the confines of my temporal, human, self-made circumstance! It busted out at the seams! Hallelujah!  So please, go to my new blog page and help me spread the word.

All comments should be posted on the new blog. drintimacy.wordpress.com

In the Power of Love,

Dr. Intimacy

Prolific Author and Speaker Specializing in Sex, Intimacy and Relationships from a Holistic Perspective – Spirit, Soul & Body

http://www.drintimacy.com

Copyright © 2011 by Laneen A. Haniah “Dr. Intimacy”. All rights reserved. Please see full copyright notice on front page for more info.

 

 

40 Days – who cares what day!

October 29, 2009 at 12:07 am | Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Wednesday October 28, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

Hmmm… How do I evaluate how I am feeling? I think I felt good when I woke up this morning but I can’t even remember now. It is nearly midnight and I feel crummy… discouraged, angry, tired, frustrated… What the heck happened? I was on the mountaintop yesterday!

The Personal Goal

I didn’t write this morning but I set a mental goal and it was to go grocery shopping as this is my weekly assignment on Wednesdays.

The Body

I feel OK today. I felt really spacey all day. I had a terrible time concentrating. I also got really dizzy at a point and weak. Maybe it was because I did not really eat today. I don’t know but I really don’t feel great. I take “OK” back. I don’t feel good – kind of fluish.

The Juice

Green juice for breakfast; baked ziti with steamed veggies for lunch; coffee; salmon, salad, steamed veggies and banana bread for dinner; 4 chocolate almonds; all supplements plus some new ones; 7 cups water + tea.

The Detox Process

Twice today! I had to go while shopping and it was a long one, LOL. The timing was inconvenient but I was glad to get it out, LOL. I started taking omega 3-6-9 and psyllium husk supplements today. I hope these will help me eliminate more regularly. I’d like to be going twice a day at least!

The Human Influencers

I was pissed off today – if I can just keep it real. My day started off with aggrevation as my husband decided at the last minute that he didn’t want to go shopping with me. He was not very supportive today and that always makes my day harder. I guess he just was not feeling up to it but neither was I so it was rough. He said his tummy was bothering him but I think he just didn’t feel like it.

The Spirit

Sometimes I wish prophetic “words” would never be heard by me. I wish they could just be whispered into the atmosphere and come to pass!!! It is a truth that every time I get a powerful prophetic word that I truly embrace knowing that God is speaking to me, the very opposite of that word manifests in my life. Getting a prophetic word over my life is just asking for trouble, and I tell you the truth – I don’t feel like fighting! Why can’t The word just happen when it’s spoken? Why all of the delay?

The Daily Grind

Today was one of the worse daily grinds since this all started. I am really feeling aggrevated right now. That was fine really that Emmanuel did not want to go with me, but he waited until late to tell me so I ended up going shopping by myself with a really late start. I didn’t get home until almost 4:30 at which time he had to leave me to put all the food away by myself! Then he was supposed to have the kitchen ready for me to put everything away and cook but that was not done either. Then, he doesn’t even do a thorough job helping me get the bags out of the van. I finish putting everything away and realize that a significant amount of food that belonged in the fridge was missing. I had to drive all the way across town to the gym where he was to get the food out of the van because he turns his phone off when he goes to the gym!!!

Then I had to give one of my children a spanking tonight. That was terrible. I hate spanking my babies but he has a terrible, terrible habit of lying and I had to put him in check. I haven’t spanked that child in over a six months probably. He gets mad at me and slams my brand new blackberry 8900 on the floor! Then I had to let him have it again. To top it all off my period came three days early.  UGHHH!!! I just feeling like screaming my head off right now!!!

The Daily Reflection

What a rollercoaster emotions can be! Consistency can only be found in God’s presence. We can never trust how we feel or let such feelings determine the outcome of our day!

40 Days of Fasting – Day 25

October 27, 2009 at 11:51 pm | Posted in Fasting | 3 Comments

Tuesday October 27, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

Life is good. My soul is soaring in high places where it cannot be affected by doubt and negativity. I am focused on my mission and intend to come out successful!

The Personal Goal

Today – according to the new schedule that I am trying to get on – is my second daughter’s hair day. My main goal is to get this done. I also have a little be more laundry to tend to… but that may have to wait until laundry day now (Sunday). I want to get my refrigerator cleaned tonight to prepare for shopping tomorrow. I feel drained this morning… let’s see how it goes.

Oh, I have to get some desk work done today really!

The Body

I feel pretty good but these headaches are getting worse and worse. Sigh… I really think it’s the dry heat in the house. What can I do about this?

The Juice

I really struggled to make my juice today. It was not because I didn’t want to drink but because I didn’t want to make it. I was really low on energy this morning and I was hungry and wanted to eat. I have lost 2 lbs and am back down to 107. I am not happy about that and I know part of the reason is because I drink so much in the earlier part of my day that I end up not eating my first meal until late afternoon. As my housework settles into a pattern I guess my eating schedule will get better too. Oh, I did yield and make my juice… yum, yum.

The Detox Process

None today…

The Human Influencers

Prayed with Melody for the first time in a few days. I must pray with her more, it is always so uplifting. My family is still showing great support. I watched an old sitcom on the net today while doing my daughter’s hair and it really made me laugh. That was very uplifting. I love to laugh!

The Spirit

Wonderful! The Lord said to me that He is going to make it all worth my while!!! I am so looking forward to Pay Day!

The Daily Grind

Whew, my body is feeling the effects of my labor. I was really tired today. Mostly the headache was wearing on me. I did get my daughter’s hair done and I was able to get a little desk work done but that was about it. Tomorrow is shopping day so I am trying to build up my strength for that.

The Daily Reflection

I love the Lord, I love life, I love my family, I love myself, I love, I love, I love…

40 Days of Fasting – Day 24

October 27, 2009 at 12:37 am | Posted in Candida, Fasting, ganoderma | Leave a comment

Monday October 26, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

Am I awake enough to feel anything today? LOL, I think not. I hardly slept a wink last night. After my cleaning marathon yesterday (and wonderful intimacy with my husband before bed) I really thought I would sleep like a log. That was so not the case though. I was wired. My body was tired but my mind wanted to clean some more, lol. Furthermore a terrible thunderstorm – the likes of which I have never heard in 34 years, made it impossible to sleep soundly. Nonetheless, I feel good this morning and ready – after a little more sleep – to tackle some more housework!

The Personal Goal

I have set Monday as the day that I will do my youngest daughter’s hair. I did her hair last Monday and figured I should just make this her assigned day from now on. I used to try and do all of the girls hair in one day but it is too rough. So my main goal today is that I stick to this plan.

That would be simple enough – if it weren’t for the fact that laundry is still all over the place. Although I got much accomplished yesterday, I never did finish the one thing that I had set out to do, which was the laundry. Now Sunday is my laundry day and if I don’t finish it today it is only going to get worse and worse so I really have to get it done today. This is saying a lot thought as I probably have about 15 loads to deal with!

The Body

I have a headache this morning but other than that I have to say I feel pretty good, especially to have gotten so little sleep! My body seems to be feeling stronger and stronger everyday and I am sooo thankful for this. The Candida symptoms really seem to be subsiding. Although headaches seem to be getting worse daily. I don’t know if that is due to the computer use or the fact that I have been in-taking more dairy. I am not changing my course though. Slow and steady – that is my focus. In time it will all be corrected as I continue to feed my body right.

The Juice

Like I said, I think I will stop writing about this as I have really settled into my green juice. I may start recording what I ate. Today I had oatmeal, oat toast w/butter, and two strips of turkey bacon fried in grape-seed oil for breakfast. I didn’t eat lunch, I just drank water. For dinner I have grilled salmon, brown jasmine rice and steamed broccoli and cauliflower. I drank coconut kefir with the meal. I ate 1 square of dark chocolate (60% cocoa and about 4g of sugar) for a late night snack. I drank 8 oz of Detox tea, 8 oz of ganoderma coffee w/organic cream, 16 oz of green juice and 7 glasses of water for the day. I also remembered to take all of my supplements and vitamins.

The Detox Process

Went twice, hard and sticky. This is not a good sign. What makes it sticky? Isn’t that a lack of fluid? But I am drinking my 8 glasses of water! I will have to look into this. I don’t know what the problem is with these sticky bowels.

The Human Influencers

Emmanuel was great today. We worked side-by-side tackling the laundry once we both finally got out of bed, LOL. I get my work done so much more quickly when he helps me. Funny thing is I don’t even really think it’s the physical labor that he does (as I often have to go over his work, LOL). It is more just the encouragement and moral support that adds so much strength and pep to me for me to get it done more quickly.

The Spirit

I feel blessed in my spirit tonight. That revelation that I received last night really lifted me and I rode the wave all day today. Life is getting better and better.

The Daily Grind

I did it!!! I did it!! I did it! LOL, I got all of the laundry washed and almost all of it put away. And even though it was late as heck I got my daughter’s hair done too! I am so amazed by God’s grace (His empowerment)! Thank you Father!!!

The Daily Reflection

God’s grace is more than His unmerited favor, it is His supernatural empowerment. I have often received this “sudden” energy to clean that I have right now and have never really understood why. Emmanuel called them streaks, but I didn’t like that because I knew it wasn’t a streak, it shouldn’t be a streak. It was something that was accessible to me always that I just failed to tap into. Now I understand – it’s God’s grace that I yield to. It is His empowerment to do in His strength what I cannot do in my own. When I stop operating in my own might and succumbing to the frustrations of my inadequacy, that is when His grace can take over in me and really get the job done!!!

40 Days of Fasting – Day 23

October 27, 2009 at 12:35 am | Posted in Fasting | Leave a comment

Sunday October 25, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

I have been feeling pretty good these days. My house is getting so clean it just adds joy to my heart. There is just something about going to sleep and waking up in a clean house! Ahhhh….

The Personal Goal

I am on a rampage today! Laundry, laundry, laundry – I am really diligently trying to set a schedule and so I have been trying to tackle a different chore each day. I have decided to make Sunday laundry day. Now this will really be a challenge since I have not done laundry in a while. My husband has been doing it and he does a decent job but if I don’t stay involved with it clothes end up everywhere. That is where we are at right now. There are clothes stuffed in every nook and cranny of the house, LOL. Really getting the laundry done today is going to require me to be a private detective, LOL.

The Body

My body is feeling pretty good today. I seem to be getting stronger and stronger. My tongue is clearing more every day and my weight continues to increase. I have not gotten back to the gym yet and I definitely don’t feel at my peek but it is better!

The Juice

I drank my favorite green juice again today. Maybe soon I will stop reporting on juice because I really like this one and plan to stick to it. My main challenge now is remembering to drink 8 glasses of water per day which I did well on today.

The Detox Process

I only eliminated once today. I felt like I needed to go more but it never came out. I am glad I went once though! I will have a good report about this one day soon!

The Human Influencers

My husband really jumped on board to help me clean today and that was great! We worked so hard that at the end of the night we decided to sneak out and go to Whole Feeds to grab a bite to eat. They have a café there in the store. It is the only place that I will eat because I know they are using wholesome and organic ingredients. It was so fun to sit and eat with him and just get out of the house.

The Spirit

I feel good. I had a revelation about why I have been struggling so much spiritually. The Lord said I have to “shake myself off”. These things that I have been feeling and internalizing are not even mine. These are spirits that are being sent out by Satanists and witches because of the season that we are in! They want us to fall. As we intercede for God’s will; they intercede for satan’s will! So a lot of the depression and frustration that I struggled with is due to what is in the atmosphere.

The Daily Grind

Wow did I clean today! I totally cleaned and rearranged the two messiest rooms in the house; that would be the room that my three youngest boys share, and the room that my two youngest girls share. They were both a disgusting mess. I really did not intend to do this. I was just looking for laundry, but The Lord’s grace was on me to do much more than I had planned on doing!

I was really militant about getting this done today. I screamed a lot today. I feel bad about that. God’s grace was on me and I didn’t need to be that way with the kids. I am so serious about getting this house clean and I am probably a little afraid that they are going to wreck it. But I’ve got to have faith. This is a new season and God is doing this.

The Daily Reflection

It is so important to remain sharp in my discernment. I was so surprised to find out from The Lord today that I was carrying a burden that wasn’t mine! He gave me the revelation today on the way to the store with Emmanuel as we talked. When we got there I went to the restroom and just began to shake myself off. I repented before the Lord and lifted my hands in praise. It was amazing how I felt an immediate shift.

40 Days of Fasting – Day 22

October 27, 2009 at 12:34 am | Posted in Fasting | Leave a comment

Saturday October 24, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

I felt pretty good today. I woke up enjoying the sanctity of my room and the peace of Sabbath.

The Personal Goal

Just to relax and enjoy Shabbat and keep my journal entries short because it is Sabbath and these entries have become tedious, LOL.

The Body

I felt better today than I have in sooo long. Shabbat Shalom!

The Juice

Delicious green juice. I am really starting to look fwd to drinking this juice daily. I made juice for my children today and they all enjoyed drinking it.  My juicer broke down on me but by evening kicked in again, phew!

The Detox Process

One elimination today; still hard, sigh…

The Human Influencers

I spoke to two very overweight preachers today who were complaining about their health and the way they look. Yet when I began to mention healthy eating I immediately felt disinterest and resistance. This really encouraged me to keep crucifying my flesh and truly dedicate my temple to the service of the Lord. I never want to look like that or feel so bad when I finish preaching!!!

The Spirit

Wonderful, I love Sabbath!

The Daily Grind

Pretty easy going day; It’s getting better and better. I traveled earlier to a speaking engagement and that was really stressful because I got quite turned around and was really late. At the end of the day it seemed like it was one of those things that I probably should not have gone to. Lord forgive me for not being sensitive to Your spirit about this!

The Daily Reflection

Why is peace so hard to find sometimes? Isn’t it always here? As I sit in the peace and sanctity of my home, I am wondering why I don’t always live this way. It is a choice. We have to choose peace. I choose peace, Lord please help me to choose it from now on!

Are You Wife Material?

October 25, 2009 at 11:21 pm | Posted in Articles, Marriage and Dating | Leave a comment
Tags: , , , , ,

A little girl attracts a playa, while a woman attracts a man:

A whore attracts a pimp, while a wife attracts a husband!

This was just on my heart tonight because so many single Christian women talk to me about wanting to get married. I sympathize with my Christian sisters that come to me sharing their desire to marry a nice Christian brother that will love the Lord and treat them right. Even though I have been married for 10 years now, I will never, ever forget what it was like to be a single woman desiring a husband.

Nonetheless I have learned something over the years and it is this: There is a difference between “getting married” and “being a wife”. A lot of women want to get married but they don’t want to be a wife! Now I know that sounds crazy but in 10 years of ministering in this area I have observed this to be true. People are in love with the “ideal” of marriage yet detached from the (sometimes harsh) reality of what it means to be a spouse!

I can recall all of the relationships that ended up leading to fornication that I was involved in before I met my husband. I really wanted to get married, but I didn’t know how to be a wife. I only knew how to be a whore. I know that sounds harsh but I am voicing a reality that I lived at that time of my life. After having been raped and molested from the ages of 2-7 at various times; then continuing on into a life of promiscuity as a teenager; graduating to a life of stripping and prostituting as a young adult – all I knew was how to be a whore. That is not what I wanted to be, but it was all that I knew to be.

At the same time, my emotional development had been literally suspended during the years of abuse. This is typical of most sexual abuse victims. We continue to grow physically and often times even mentally and intellectually. However, emotionally we remain suspended in time. I was trapped in an emotional time warp; a desperate little girl looking for a hero to rescue and redeem me. I was a victim who continued to get victimized by villains!

A couple of months before I met my husband God told me to begin to read and recite proverbs 31 daily and to pray for my husband-to-be. I had no idea who this husband was or when or how I’d meet him. As a matter of fact it was preposterous thought because I had just broken off an engagement with a man whose brother I had an affair with just about a month before getting engaged to! I certainly didn’t think God was ready or willing to bless me with a husband.

I simply followed the unction of the spirit and began reciting that scripture every day. At the same time I got everything in my life in order. My house was spotlessly clean. I cooked dinner almost every night. I exercised regularly to keep my body fit and strong. I prayed fervently and had an awesome relationship with the Lord. I cleaned up my friendships and moved any and everyone out of the way that would hinder my development.

Two months after the last episode of fornication in my life, I was an empty and available vessel. At last I had become a wife. I was no longer a whore; I was no longer a little girl; I was no longer a victim. I was a grown woman that was ready for a grown man. I was a wife that was ready for a husband. When I was ready not only to get married but to really be a wife — that is when God released my husband.

It’s interesting to note that my husband Emmanuel had been celibate nearly six years before we married and had only dated one person during that time (which he regretted). He proclaimed in faith that he was just “going to wait” until God sent him his wife, and other than the one dating incident that is exactly what he did. My reason for mentioning this is to say that I believe it was me who delayed our coming together. You see, he was ready and waiting for his WIFE. He didn’t want ’round the way girl. He wanted the WIFE that he had been praying and believing God for and God could not bring us together until my life and character was a manifestation of answered prayer for my husband.

Anyone who has followed my ministry works you know I keep it raw. So let me just be true to my calling and tell it like it is! If you really want to get married you need to start becoming a wife so you can attract a husband; and if you really want that husband to be a man you need to start acting like a woman and put away your childish emotions and games. See playas are attracted to little girls and their games and pimps are attracted to hoes and their sex!

If you have an ear, hear me so that 2010 can be the year that you marry your destined soul mate!!!

In His Compassion,

Prophetess Laneen Haniah,

Dr. Intimacy

PS Want to read more about how my husband and I met? Go to our website www.heartcompassion.org. I share our story on the site.

40 Days of Fasting – Day 21

October 23, 2009 at 11:09 pm | Posted in Fasting | 4 Comments
Tags: , , , ,

Friday October 23, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

I felt energized this morning – certainly not in my body, but in my soul. I didn’t go to bed until 4am. I was so stirred I couldn’t sleep! I had such joy in my soul as I cleaned for hours before I slept last night. My soul is coming back into the perpetual Sabbath rest that I enjoyed before my life was devastated six months ago!

The Personal Goal

Today my goal is very important. I must get my home prepared for Shabbat and start on time! Every week I seemed to still be up to my neck in… something or other. Sundown comes and goes and I end up coming to the table frustrated at the lateness of the hour. Not so tonight, not so!

I want to sort the mail in my room today, or at least get started. It is too much to do in one day but I want to make a dent in it. I would also like to wash my hair but that is a bit of an ambitious goal because I got only 2 hours of sleep last night! But I will accomplish progress today I promise!

The Body

My body feels OK. It is not great but certainly not as crummy as it has been on other mornings. I am just taking it day by day. If it takes another three years for these dietary changes and supplements to bring total renewal then so be it. I just have to be committed and I am!

My weight is back up to 108 lbs and I am so happy about that. I would like for it to get right back up to 115. That is my favorite number in terms of weight. I also pray that by next week I start exercising again.

The Juice

I am on a new juice regimen now, LOL. Ok, now I am trying to drink apple cider vinegar (acv) daily. It is antifungal and has many other wonderful healing properties. I put it in Detox tea this morning and it was OK. Certainly not enjoyable but I had no problem finishing it. So I guess this and my veggies juice can replace the garlic! LOL

The Detox Process

I eliminated only once today. I really haven’t been eating a candida cleanse friendly diet. I have had sugar daily. It’s been in small amounts mostly from natural sources. But I have also added honey to my tea and other such things. I have had caffeine, bread and pasta as well. I guess my bowels are having a hard time regulating. But I will wait patiently for this to finish and then I will start my colon cleanse. I will be fine.

The Human Influencers

My husband and children were very excited about the Sabbath today. I see God moving more and more every week. I can truly say that I have never seen such joy in my husband about the Sabbath and he really applied himself diligently today to help ensure that we be ready on time. My children came home and got right to work to help clean so the night would be special. This was very encouraging today. Now… if only Ja’keim were here, sigh.

The Spirit

Peace, peace, peace… the peace of God is echoing in my spirit. I love the place that I am in right now. This is how I remember Sabbath being long ago when we first began to observe it. I don’t really understand this “fast” that I am on. It certainly has nothing to do with hunger, yet I can see the changes and I am grateful!

The Daily Grind

I had many chores today but I can’t say they were a grind. I just enjoyed cleaning today and preparing the house for Shabbat. I sorted piles and piles of old mail and papers for hours. I found many things that I thought were lost, LOL. I also washed my hair and took a bath. I can’t believe I got all of that done. When my kids came home we thoroughly cleaned the kitchen in a way that we have not done in many months and I cooked a delicious dinner that we ate after we finished our Shabbat ceremony. It was an awesome day!

The Daily Reflection

Happiness is a choice. Today I did have a low moment. I called Office Max to advocate for some max perks rewards that I was unjustly denied. After about an hour on the phone I was defeated in my purpose. The lady on the phone told me to have a good day as we were saying goodbye and I said in despair, “I won’t, goodbye!” After hanging up I thought about what I said and I immediately retracted those words. The denial from them hurt because they owe me $27 and in lean times like this I really need that money. But I thought, “so what, will I let this ruin my whole day now?” At that moment I chose happiness. I dismissed the disappointment that I felt about the denial and embraced the peace and joy of God. I won in the end through the power of choice! Hallelujah!

40 Days of Fasting – Day 20

October 23, 2009 at 11:08 pm | Posted in Fasting | Leave a comment
Tags: , , ,

Thursday October 22, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

It is getting more and more challenging to keep up with this journal. I actually never had a chance to record my feelings yesterday and it is amazing to me how quickly I can forget what I felt like only about 24 hours ago! Feelings – emotions – they are so very fleeting. It is ashamed that we make so many major decisions based on them!

The Personal Goal

My goal for today is basically just to get my oldest daughter’s hair relaxed. This is an odyssey. I have to shop for the products and the process itself takes around 3 to 5 hours from start to finish depending on how I style her hair!

The Body

Sore and achy, a little headachy; I am just still believing for the day I am going to jump up out of bed feeling who and full of energy. But, that’s not today LOL.

The Juice

Wow what an experience today! I tried something that I promise never to do again. I have really wanted to eat or drink raw garlic to help with the candida. However I have not the courage. Well today I thought I had a plan: put 3 cloves of garlic along with parsley and spinach into my juicer to make a 4oz shooter. I figured I could gulp down 4oz easily and then chase it down with juice that I actually like which is the cucumber celery, apple. Well no problem guzzling the shooter. However I did not realize that garlic was so potent. It burned my stomach and throat so bad and made me so sick! It was awful pain that I felt. I had to lie down for hours after that.

The Detox Process

I never eliminated today. That is very disheartening but I refuse to do enema or SWF. I am going to give my body a chance to regulate on its own. I plan on doing a 30 colon cleanse once I finish the candida cleanse.

The Human Influencers

After I laid down from the garlic sickness I didn’t know what to do with the babies. It was too early to put them in the crib and dad was sleep. I told them both to climb up into bed with me and they were so cooperative. We have a great time playing peek-a-boo with the covers, tickling and reading picture books! If they had not wanted to stay in the room with me it would have been rough on me because I really felt sick. (Smile).

The Spirit

I have to admit that I am feeling really frustrated about my life right now. I don’t think I have ever had such a spiritually discontent “fast”. This is a different experience for me and I wonder if I am really still even fasting since all foods are back into my diet without restriction. I have to preach again in three weeks and I don’t want to be pulling an “all-nighter” in prayer trying to make up for weeks of spiritual drought!

The Daily Grind

OMG, hair, hair, hair and more hair! I did major work on all three of my girls heads this week and tomorrow I will have to do mine. This is rough. Then to make it so bad, doing their hair always wreaks havoc in my room since all of the hair stuff in here. After finally finishing my daughter’s hair I had to stay up until around three to clean up the aftermath (I did a little extra; still trying to get my room back to 100%) Needing to rest early threw me off schedule because I never went shopping for the products so I didn’t get back home and started until 6:30pm.

The Daily Reflection

It is amazing to me how quickly I can forget what I felt like only about 24 hours ago! Feelings – emotions – they are so very fleeting. It is ashamed that we make so many major decisions based on them!

40 Days of Fasting – Day 19

October 21, 2009 at 9:37 pm | Posted in Fasting, Master Cleanse | 1 Comment
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Wednesday: October 21, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

I felt a lot better upon rising this morning. I prayed with Melody right before bed and that really lifted my spirit. I forgot to pray about the dreams though and thus had bad dreams again! I can’t forget about this today!

The Personal Goal

I have to go shopping. It’s wednesday and it’s that time once again. I’ll be on my own today because Emmanuel is really wiped from MC. Its day 8 for him and we ran out of lemons so I have to get going on the double!

Any other goal would be over-zealous. My body is still fighting. I didn’t even want to go shopping but to see my husband suffering without his lemons is motivating me. I would have to go to whole foods to get organic lemons anyway and it just wouldn’t make sense to not go shopping while there!

The Body

My body feels a little better this morning! I was afraid about how I would feel waking up due to how terribly I felt yesterday. However I actually feel a bit more rested, only slight headache and a lot less pain. Maybe yesterday the die off peaked. I actually ate a cookie last night. Now I know that sounds bad but it’s not what you think LOL! After doing all of my research yesterday I learned that if the die-off response is too severe one should slow it down by feeding the candida; and there is no better way to do that than to give it sugar! It was a mini cookie and I have to admit that although at first I enjoyed it, as it settled in my mouth I found it to be wayyyy too sweet. My tastebuds have indeed changed and when I start eating desserts again, I will have to make them homemade so I can lessen the amount of sugar in them! This is a good thing.

The Juice

Today I drank veggie juice and I actually enjoyed it quite much. It was cucumber, celery apple with one TBS of green powder added to it. I really didn’t think I would like but I actually loved it. Now I never thought I would say that about veggie juice and green powder (two things that I find nasty in their own right, LOL). But the powder was tasty and omitting the parsley from the juice made a big difference. Maybe tomorrow I’ll make a ½ cup of garlic parsley juice with water and gush it down and then move on to the juice I enjoy. I really need to start getting some fresh garlic in my system but swallowing it is tough on my throat, however drinking the juice is tough on my mouth!

The Detox Process

I went twice today and everything is still hard and dark. Nonetheless I am glad that it is coming out. This morning my body felt better but by tonight (as I am typing this) I feel almost just as bad as I did yesterday. My appetite is certainly back with a vengeance. I don’t say this proudly because I am eating very healthy meals and still feeling hungry afterward which means my colon is still not properly absorbing nutrients. This all really makes me want to quit but I have to keep pressing in and I will.

The Human Influencers

I think I continue to encourage myself greatly. Today I saw some delicious chocolate pudding in the store. It was made with all organic ingredients. I wanted it sooo… bad. It is so hard not to eat sweets when I can eat everything else; it is like something is missing. I really felt like the Lord told me it was OK to have the pudding. I smiled and I was drooling as I planned to eat it in the van on the way home. But you know, I decided not to eat it even though I “was allowed to”. I want my desires to change and I don’t want to do just what is permissible but that which is truly beneficial. So thumbs up to myself! LOL

The Spirit

I felt good today. I listen to great praise music while I shopped and just felt wonderful in my spirit. There is something about shopping at whole foods that makes me feel good. I think it’s knowing that I am buying the right things for this family God has blessed me with. It was a rainy gray day, but light shined in my heart. I had wonderful prayer during my quiet time and I just feel good in my spirit even though my body is in pain.

The Daily Grind

What can I say? It was shopping day. I started at around 9am with the list and preparations and finished about 5:30 with putting it all away when I got home. Oh man this is tough. But I got it done, got dinner prepared and got the kids and my husband off to church so I could enjoy my “Wednesday Peace” LOL. I so enjoyed the quiet (they’re back now! LOL)

The Daily Reflection

It is amazing how doing the right thing can cause you to stand tall in your heart but how doing the wrong thing can cause your heart to faint. Last night I had planned in my mind to give up on this journey. I was going to make myself some creamy rice pudding and call it quits. Although my flesh was greedily lusting for that dessert, my heart was withering within at the very thought of turning away from my purpose. Today as I shopped and brought all of the right things, committed once again to go all the way, my heart stood strong and tall once again.

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