40 Days of Fasting – Day 25

October 27, 2009 at 11:51 pm | Posted in Fasting | 3 Comments

Tuesday October 27, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

Life is good. My soul is soaring in high places where it cannot be affected by doubt and negativity. I am focused on my mission and intend to come out successful!

The Personal Goal

Today – according to the new schedule that I am trying to get on – is my second daughter’s hair day. My main goal is to get this done. I also have a little be more laundry to tend to… but that may have to wait until laundry day now (Sunday). I want to get my refrigerator cleaned tonight to prepare for shopping tomorrow. I feel drained this morning… let’s see how it goes.

Oh, I have to get some desk work done today really!

The Body

I feel pretty good but these headaches are getting worse and worse. Sigh… I really think it’s the dry heat in the house. What can I do about this?

The Juice

I really struggled to make my juice today. It was not because I didn’t want to drink but because I didn’t want to make it. I was really low on energy this morning and I was hungry and wanted to eat. I have lost 2 lbs and am back down to 107. I am not happy about that and I know part of the reason is because I drink so much in the earlier part of my day that I end up not eating my first meal until late afternoon. As my housework settles into a pattern I guess my eating schedule will get better too. Oh, I did yield and make my juice… yum, yum.

The Detox Process

None today…

The Human Influencers

Prayed with Melody for the first time in a few days. I must pray with her more, it is always so uplifting. My family is still showing great support. I watched an old sitcom on the net today while doing my daughter’s hair and it really made me laugh. That was very uplifting. I love to laugh!

The Spirit

Wonderful! The Lord said to me that He is going to make it all worth my while!!! I am so looking forward to Pay Day!

The Daily Grind

Whew, my body is feeling the effects of my labor. I was really tired today. Mostly the headache was wearing on me. I did get my daughter’s hair done and I was able to get a little desk work done but that was about it. Tomorrow is shopping day so I am trying to build up my strength for that.

The Daily Reflection

I love the Lord, I love life, I love my family, I love myself, I love, I love, I love…

40 Days of Fasting – Day 24

October 27, 2009 at 12:37 am | Posted in Candida, Fasting, ganoderma | Leave a comment

Monday October 26, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

Am I awake enough to feel anything today? LOL, I think not. I hardly slept a wink last night. After my cleaning marathon yesterday (and wonderful intimacy with my husband before bed) I really thought I would sleep like a log. That was so not the case though. I was wired. My body was tired but my mind wanted to clean some more, lol. Furthermore a terrible thunderstorm – the likes of which I have never heard in 34 years, made it impossible to sleep soundly. Nonetheless, I feel good this morning and ready – after a little more sleep – to tackle some more housework!

The Personal Goal

I have set Monday as the day that I will do my youngest daughter’s hair. I did her hair last Monday and figured I should just make this her assigned day from now on. I used to try and do all of the girls hair in one day but it is too rough. So my main goal today is that I stick to this plan.

That would be simple enough – if it weren’t for the fact that laundry is still all over the place. Although I got much accomplished yesterday, I never did finish the one thing that I had set out to do, which was the laundry. Now Sunday is my laundry day and if I don’t finish it today it is only going to get worse and worse so I really have to get it done today. This is saying a lot thought as I probably have about 15 loads to deal with!

The Body

I have a headache this morning but other than that I have to say I feel pretty good, especially to have gotten so little sleep! My body seems to be feeling stronger and stronger everyday and I am sooo thankful for this. The Candida symptoms really seem to be subsiding. Although headaches seem to be getting worse daily. I don’t know if that is due to the computer use or the fact that I have been in-taking more dairy. I am not changing my course though. Slow and steady – that is my focus. In time it will all be corrected as I continue to feed my body right.

The Juice

Like I said, I think I will stop writing about this as I have really settled into my green juice. I may start recording what I ate. Today I had oatmeal, oat toast w/butter, and two strips of turkey bacon fried in grape-seed oil for breakfast. I didn’t eat lunch, I just drank water. For dinner I have grilled salmon, brown jasmine rice and steamed broccoli and cauliflower. I drank coconut kefir with the meal. I ate 1 square of dark chocolate (60% cocoa and about 4g of sugar) for a late night snack. I drank 8 oz of Detox tea, 8 oz of ganoderma coffee w/organic cream, 16 oz of green juice and 7 glasses of water for the day. I also remembered to take all of my supplements and vitamins.

The Detox Process

Went twice, hard and sticky. This is not a good sign. What makes it sticky? Isn’t that a lack of fluid? But I am drinking my 8 glasses of water! I will have to look into this. I don’t know what the problem is with these sticky bowels.

The Human Influencers

Emmanuel was great today. We worked side-by-side tackling the laundry once we both finally got out of bed, LOL. I get my work done so much more quickly when he helps me. Funny thing is I don’t even really think it’s the physical labor that he does (as I often have to go over his work, LOL). It is more just the encouragement and moral support that adds so much strength and pep to me for me to get it done more quickly.

The Spirit

I feel blessed in my spirit tonight. That revelation that I received last night really lifted me and I rode the wave all day today. Life is getting better and better.

The Daily Grind

I did it!!! I did it!! I did it! LOL, I got all of the laundry washed and almost all of it put away. And even though it was late as heck I got my daughter’s hair done too! I am so amazed by God’s grace (His empowerment)! Thank you Father!!!

The Daily Reflection

God’s grace is more than His unmerited favor, it is His supernatural empowerment. I have often received this “sudden” energy to clean that I have right now and have never really understood why. Emmanuel called them streaks, but I didn’t like that because I knew it wasn’t a streak, it shouldn’t be a streak. It was something that was accessible to me always that I just failed to tap into. Now I understand – it’s God’s grace that I yield to. It is His empowerment to do in His strength what I cannot do in my own. When I stop operating in my own might and succumbing to the frustrations of my inadequacy, that is when His grace can take over in me and really get the job done!!!

40 Days of Fasting – Day 23

October 27, 2009 at 12:35 am | Posted in Fasting | Leave a comment

Sunday October 25, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

I have been feeling pretty good these days. My house is getting so clean it just adds joy to my heart. There is just something about going to sleep and waking up in a clean house! Ahhhh….

The Personal Goal

I am on a rampage today! Laundry, laundry, laundry – I am really diligently trying to set a schedule and so I have been trying to tackle a different chore each day. I have decided to make Sunday laundry day. Now this will really be a challenge since I have not done laundry in a while. My husband has been doing it and he does a decent job but if I don’t stay involved with it clothes end up everywhere. That is where we are at right now. There are clothes stuffed in every nook and cranny of the house, LOL. Really getting the laundry done today is going to require me to be a private detective, LOL.

The Body

My body is feeling pretty good today. I seem to be getting stronger and stronger. My tongue is clearing more every day and my weight continues to increase. I have not gotten back to the gym yet and I definitely don’t feel at my peek but it is better!

The Juice

I drank my favorite green juice again today. Maybe soon I will stop reporting on juice because I really like this one and plan to stick to it. My main challenge now is remembering to drink 8 glasses of water per day which I did well on today.

The Detox Process

I only eliminated once today. I felt like I needed to go more but it never came out. I am glad I went once though! I will have a good report about this one day soon!

The Human Influencers

My husband really jumped on board to help me clean today and that was great! We worked so hard that at the end of the night we decided to sneak out and go to Whole Feeds to grab a bite to eat. They have a café there in the store. It is the only place that I will eat because I know they are using wholesome and organic ingredients. It was so fun to sit and eat with him and just get out of the house.

The Spirit

I feel good. I had a revelation about why I have been struggling so much spiritually. The Lord said I have to “shake myself off”. These things that I have been feeling and internalizing are not even mine. These are spirits that are being sent out by Satanists and witches because of the season that we are in! They want us to fall. As we intercede for God’s will; they intercede for satan’s will! So a lot of the depression and frustration that I struggled with is due to what is in the atmosphere.

The Daily Grind

Wow did I clean today! I totally cleaned and rearranged the two messiest rooms in the house; that would be the room that my three youngest boys share, and the room that my two youngest girls share. They were both a disgusting mess. I really did not intend to do this. I was just looking for laundry, but The Lord’s grace was on me to do much more than I had planned on doing!

I was really militant about getting this done today. I screamed a lot today. I feel bad about that. God’s grace was on me and I didn’t need to be that way with the kids. I am so serious about getting this house clean and I am probably a little afraid that they are going to wreck it. But I’ve got to have faith. This is a new season and God is doing this.

The Daily Reflection

It is so important to remain sharp in my discernment. I was so surprised to find out from The Lord today that I was carrying a burden that wasn’t mine! He gave me the revelation today on the way to the store with Emmanuel as we talked. When we got there I went to the restroom and just began to shake myself off. I repented before the Lord and lifted my hands in praise. It was amazing how I felt an immediate shift.

40 Days of Fasting – Day 22

October 27, 2009 at 12:34 am | Posted in Fasting | Leave a comment

Saturday October 24, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

I felt pretty good today. I woke up enjoying the sanctity of my room and the peace of Sabbath.

The Personal Goal

Just to relax and enjoy Shabbat and keep my journal entries short because it is Sabbath and these entries have become tedious, LOL.

The Body

I felt better today than I have in sooo long. Shabbat Shalom!

The Juice

Delicious green juice. I am really starting to look fwd to drinking this juice daily. I made juice for my children today and they all enjoyed drinking it.  My juicer broke down on me but by evening kicked in again, phew!

The Detox Process

One elimination today; still hard, sigh…

The Human Influencers

I spoke to two very overweight preachers today who were complaining about their health and the way they look. Yet when I began to mention healthy eating I immediately felt disinterest and resistance. This really encouraged me to keep crucifying my flesh and truly dedicate my temple to the service of the Lord. I never want to look like that or feel so bad when I finish preaching!!!

The Spirit

Wonderful, I love Sabbath!

The Daily Grind

Pretty easy going day; It’s getting better and better. I traveled earlier to a speaking engagement and that was really stressful because I got quite turned around and was really late. At the end of the day it seemed like it was one of those things that I probably should not have gone to. Lord forgive me for not being sensitive to Your spirit about this!

The Daily Reflection

Why is peace so hard to find sometimes? Isn’t it always here? As I sit in the peace and sanctity of my home, I am wondering why I don’t always live this way. It is a choice. We have to choose peace. I choose peace, Lord please help me to choose it from now on!

40 Days of Fasting – Day 21

October 23, 2009 at 11:09 pm | Posted in Fasting | 4 Comments
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Friday October 23, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

I felt energized this morning – certainly not in my body, but in my soul. I didn’t go to bed until 4am. I was so stirred I couldn’t sleep! I had such joy in my soul as I cleaned for hours before I slept last night. My soul is coming back into the perpetual Sabbath rest that I enjoyed before my life was devastated six months ago!

The Personal Goal

Today my goal is very important. I must get my home prepared for Shabbat and start on time! Every week I seemed to still be up to my neck in… something or other. Sundown comes and goes and I end up coming to the table frustrated at the lateness of the hour. Not so tonight, not so!

I want to sort the mail in my room today, or at least get started. It is too much to do in one day but I want to make a dent in it. I would also like to wash my hair but that is a bit of an ambitious goal because I got only 2 hours of sleep last night! But I will accomplish progress today I promise!

The Body

My body feels OK. It is not great but certainly not as crummy as it has been on other mornings. I am just taking it day by day. If it takes another three years for these dietary changes and supplements to bring total renewal then so be it. I just have to be committed and I am!

My weight is back up to 108 lbs and I am so happy about that. I would like for it to get right back up to 115. That is my favorite number in terms of weight. I also pray that by next week I start exercising again.

The Juice

I am on a new juice regimen now, LOL. Ok, now I am trying to drink apple cider vinegar (acv) daily. It is antifungal and has many other wonderful healing properties. I put it in Detox tea this morning and it was OK. Certainly not enjoyable but I had no problem finishing it. So I guess this and my veggies juice can replace the garlic! LOL

The Detox Process

I eliminated only once today. I really haven’t been eating a candida cleanse friendly diet. I have had sugar daily. It’s been in small amounts mostly from natural sources. But I have also added honey to my tea and other such things. I have had caffeine, bread and pasta as well. I guess my bowels are having a hard time regulating. But I will wait patiently for this to finish and then I will start my colon cleanse. I will be fine.

The Human Influencers

My husband and children were very excited about the Sabbath today. I see God moving more and more every week. I can truly say that I have never seen such joy in my husband about the Sabbath and he really applied himself diligently today to help ensure that we be ready on time. My children came home and got right to work to help clean so the night would be special. This was very encouraging today. Now… if only Ja’keim were here, sigh.

The Spirit

Peace, peace, peace… the peace of God is echoing in my spirit. I love the place that I am in right now. This is how I remember Sabbath being long ago when we first began to observe it. I don’t really understand this “fast” that I am on. It certainly has nothing to do with hunger, yet I can see the changes and I am grateful!

The Daily Grind

I had many chores today but I can’t say they were a grind. I just enjoyed cleaning today and preparing the house for Shabbat. I sorted piles and piles of old mail and papers for hours. I found many things that I thought were lost, LOL. I also washed my hair and took a bath. I can’t believe I got all of that done. When my kids came home we thoroughly cleaned the kitchen in a way that we have not done in many months and I cooked a delicious dinner that we ate after we finished our Shabbat ceremony. It was an awesome day!

The Daily Reflection

Happiness is a choice. Today I did have a low moment. I called Office Max to advocate for some max perks rewards that I was unjustly denied. After about an hour on the phone I was defeated in my purpose. The lady on the phone told me to have a good day as we were saying goodbye and I said in despair, “I won’t, goodbye!” After hanging up I thought about what I said and I immediately retracted those words. The denial from them hurt because they owe me $27 and in lean times like this I really need that money. But I thought, “so what, will I let this ruin my whole day now?” At that moment I chose happiness. I dismissed the disappointment that I felt about the denial and embraced the peace and joy of God. I won in the end through the power of choice! Hallelujah!

40 Days of Fasting – Day 20

October 23, 2009 at 11:08 pm | Posted in Fasting | Leave a comment
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Thursday October 22, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

It is getting more and more challenging to keep up with this journal. I actually never had a chance to record my feelings yesterday and it is amazing to me how quickly I can forget what I felt like only about 24 hours ago! Feelings – emotions – they are so very fleeting. It is ashamed that we make so many major decisions based on them!

The Personal Goal

My goal for today is basically just to get my oldest daughter’s hair relaxed. This is an odyssey. I have to shop for the products and the process itself takes around 3 to 5 hours from start to finish depending on how I style her hair!

The Body

Sore and achy, a little headachy; I am just still believing for the day I am going to jump up out of bed feeling who and full of energy. But, that’s not today LOL.

The Juice

Wow what an experience today! I tried something that I promise never to do again. I have really wanted to eat or drink raw garlic to help with the candida. However I have not the courage. Well today I thought I had a plan: put 3 cloves of garlic along with parsley and spinach into my juicer to make a 4oz shooter. I figured I could gulp down 4oz easily and then chase it down with juice that I actually like which is the cucumber celery, apple. Well no problem guzzling the shooter. However I did not realize that garlic was so potent. It burned my stomach and throat so bad and made me so sick! It was awful pain that I felt. I had to lie down for hours after that.

The Detox Process

I never eliminated today. That is very disheartening but I refuse to do enema or SWF. I am going to give my body a chance to regulate on its own. I plan on doing a 30 colon cleanse once I finish the candida cleanse.

The Human Influencers

After I laid down from the garlic sickness I didn’t know what to do with the babies. It was too early to put them in the crib and dad was sleep. I told them both to climb up into bed with me and they were so cooperative. We have a great time playing peek-a-boo with the covers, tickling and reading picture books! If they had not wanted to stay in the room with me it would have been rough on me because I really felt sick. (Smile).

The Spirit

I have to admit that I am feeling really frustrated about my life right now. I don’t think I have ever had such a spiritually discontent “fast”. This is a different experience for me and I wonder if I am really still even fasting since all foods are back into my diet without restriction. I have to preach again in three weeks and I don’t want to be pulling an “all-nighter” in prayer trying to make up for weeks of spiritual drought!

The Daily Grind

OMG, hair, hair, hair and more hair! I did major work on all three of my girls heads this week and tomorrow I will have to do mine. This is rough. Then to make it so bad, doing their hair always wreaks havoc in my room since all of the hair stuff in here. After finally finishing my daughter’s hair I had to stay up until around three to clean up the aftermath (I did a little extra; still trying to get my room back to 100%) Needing to rest early threw me off schedule because I never went shopping for the products so I didn’t get back home and started until 6:30pm.

The Daily Reflection

It is amazing to me how quickly I can forget what I felt like only about 24 hours ago! Feelings – emotions – they are so very fleeting. It is ashamed that we make so many major decisions based on them!

40 Days of Fasting – Day 19

October 21, 2009 at 9:37 pm | Posted in Fasting, Master Cleanse | 1 Comment
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Wednesday: October 21, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

I felt a lot better upon rising this morning. I prayed with Melody right before bed and that really lifted my spirit. I forgot to pray about the dreams though and thus had bad dreams again! I can’t forget about this today!

The Personal Goal

I have to go shopping. It’s wednesday and it’s that time once again. I’ll be on my own today because Emmanuel is really wiped from MC. Its day 8 for him and we ran out of lemons so I have to get going on the double!

Any other goal would be over-zealous. My body is still fighting. I didn’t even want to go shopping but to see my husband suffering without his lemons is motivating me. I would have to go to whole foods to get organic lemons anyway and it just wouldn’t make sense to not go shopping while there!

The Body

My body feels a little better this morning! I was afraid about how I would feel waking up due to how terribly I felt yesterday. However I actually feel a bit more rested, only slight headache and a lot less pain. Maybe yesterday the die off peaked. I actually ate a cookie last night. Now I know that sounds bad but it’s not what you think LOL! After doing all of my research yesterday I learned that if the die-off response is too severe one should slow it down by feeding the candida; and there is no better way to do that than to give it sugar! It was a mini cookie and I have to admit that although at first I enjoyed it, as it settled in my mouth I found it to be wayyyy too sweet. My tastebuds have indeed changed and when I start eating desserts again, I will have to make them homemade so I can lessen the amount of sugar in them! This is a good thing.

The Juice

Today I drank veggie juice and I actually enjoyed it quite much. It was cucumber, celery apple with one TBS of green powder added to it. I really didn’t think I would like but I actually loved it. Now I never thought I would say that about veggie juice and green powder (two things that I find nasty in their own right, LOL). But the powder was tasty and omitting the parsley from the juice made a big difference. Maybe tomorrow I’ll make a ½ cup of garlic parsley juice with water and gush it down and then move on to the juice I enjoy. I really need to start getting some fresh garlic in my system but swallowing it is tough on my throat, however drinking the juice is tough on my mouth!

The Detox Process

I went twice today and everything is still hard and dark. Nonetheless I am glad that it is coming out. This morning my body felt better but by tonight (as I am typing this) I feel almost just as bad as I did yesterday. My appetite is certainly back with a vengeance. I don’t say this proudly because I am eating very healthy meals and still feeling hungry afterward which means my colon is still not properly absorbing nutrients. This all really makes me want to quit but I have to keep pressing in and I will.

The Human Influencers

I think I continue to encourage myself greatly. Today I saw some delicious chocolate pudding in the store. It was made with all organic ingredients. I wanted it sooo… bad. It is so hard not to eat sweets when I can eat everything else; it is like something is missing. I really felt like the Lord told me it was OK to have the pudding. I smiled and I was drooling as I planned to eat it in the van on the way home. But you know, I decided not to eat it even though I “was allowed to”. I want my desires to change and I don’t want to do just what is permissible but that which is truly beneficial. So thumbs up to myself! LOL

The Spirit

I felt good today. I listen to great praise music while I shopped and just felt wonderful in my spirit. There is something about shopping at whole foods that makes me feel good. I think it’s knowing that I am buying the right things for this family God has blessed me with. It was a rainy gray day, but light shined in my heart. I had wonderful prayer during my quiet time and I just feel good in my spirit even though my body is in pain.

The Daily Grind

What can I say? It was shopping day. I started at around 9am with the list and preparations and finished about 5:30 with putting it all away when I got home. Oh man this is tough. But I got it done, got dinner prepared and got the kids and my husband off to church so I could enjoy my “Wednesday Peace” LOL. I so enjoyed the quiet (they’re back now! LOL)

The Daily Reflection

It is amazing how doing the right thing can cause you to stand tall in your heart but how doing the wrong thing can cause your heart to faint. Last night I had planned in my mind to give up on this journey. I was going to make myself some creamy rice pudding and call it quits. Although my flesh was greedily lusting for that dessert, my heart was withering within at the very thought of turning away from my purpose. Today as I shopped and brought all of the right things, committed once again to go all the way, my heart stood strong and tall once again.

40 Days of Fasting – Day 18

October 20, 2009 at 9:24 pm | Posted in Candida, Fasting, Master Cleanse | 2 Comments
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Tuesday October 20, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

Feeling bad as I am awakened this morning to a horrifying nightmare! Ok, I know what this is now… duh! I have been having a lot of strange dreams since the Detox really picked up, but the last couple of days they have been more than strange. They have been BAD and last night was the worse. This is something that commonly happens to me after I minister effectively if I don’t recite certain prayers over myself – which I did not do this past Saturday. When am I going to learn?  Alright, well at least I know what to do now. The nightmares should cease tonight.

The Personal Goal

I am again feeling lethargic and uninterested in setting personal goals but I must press on. Besides I have special motivation today. My long lost son is coming to visit! Yes Ja’Keim, my 15 year old that I have not seen since April (6 months ago) will be here today. I don’t think he can stay long. His foster dad is bringing him and has to do some other things this evening, but whatever time he is here I want it to be meaningful. In light of this I want to tidy up the kitchen and make sure that all the children look bright and shiny, LOL. I hope I will have the energy.

The Body

I feel worse and worse. My head was hurting again this morning, although not quite as much as yesterday. I went to bed at about 11pm last night and got up around 8am so I did get adequate sleep. You would never know it of course. In addition to the thrush mouth and canker sores I now have a yeast infection. This Candida is raging in my body. I believe the caffeine gave it a boost. I gained a pound back. That is certainly good news. I am constipated, that is bad news.

The Juice

Juice? What juice? LOL, I have no report for juice today. This pain and fatigue that I am suffering is down right debilitating right now. I didn’t have the strength. I had eggs and berries for breakfast and didn’t eat again until dinner. I had a hardy dinner that I really enjoy; brown jasmine rice, steamed spinach and zucchini and baked chicken. Oh how it felt to sink my teeth into some meat! Oh… this has nothing to do with just does it, LOL. Well come to find out it is very important to eat protein to help rid yourself of candida. I was on a destructive course. So glad God is leading me in His wisdom!

The Detox Process

I eliminated twice today. It is still kind of hard and dark in color (healthy stool should look like peanut butter. I know that messed you up right, LOL). I would have to say this is an improvement on yesterday. I found out that I can take my probiotic up to three times daily so I will increase the dose tomorrow.

The Human Influencers

None good or bad to report; I just pressed on through the day as best as I could.

The Spirit

Another tough day. Emmanuel is on day 7 of master cleanse. He slept all day leaving me with girls alone. Today was just like yesterday in this sense. The one great difference though was getting to see my son! Yes I saw him; I saw him; and I hugged him!!! I hugged him for so long. He is so tall, I had to reach up. I tried to be tough but I cried on him. He is 15 so I thought he would get upset because I was being mushy but he held on to me too. He seemed just as emotional about it as I was, LOL. Ohhhh that felt great. Thank you Lord, thank you so much for this gift.

The Daily Grind

I spent many hours today doing my other daughter’s hair (yesterday was the baby today was the 3 year old) and just taking care of my little ladies. Normally I can multitask but I can’t stress enough how much pain I am in. I was really cranky today, it was terrible. The pain is just so bad. I was snapping at my husband for no reason other than the fact that I was just mad about being in pain and him resting all day.

Then I was preparing the children for seeing their big brother for the first time in so long. It was all very emotional but they were so estatic. I have at least spoken to him, they haven’t!

After that I spent my evening doing much more research on Candida. I have what I consider good news to report. The increase in symptoms is supposedly a sign that the treatment is working. It is called “die off”. In severe cases the die off symptoms are worse, which hopefully is what I am experiencing. It could be flaring up the lupus too. I am not sure but I have to press through on this!

The Daily Reflection

Who really knows what is in their own hearts? Why did I cry today when I saw my son? I am not one of those mushy type of people. My mom often cries when she sees me and I wonder why. I don’t really know why I cried today. It was unexpected. Those tears were hidden deep in my heart needing a release and I didn’t even know it.

40 Days of Fasting – Day 17

October 19, 2009 at 9:22 pm | Posted in Fasting, ganoderma | Leave a comment
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Monday October 19, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

FRUSTRATION! Why am I having these stupid dreams?! Why did it take me until 3:00am to fall asleep?! Why do I have a splitting migraine this morning?! What is the point of all of my labor? None of it seems to be paying off!!!

The Personal Goal

I don’t want to set personal goals today. I feel like quitting. I really want to give up on this whole idea! But since I am writing I might as well set one… sigh. Ok I need to drink some veggie juice today and try to eat a little more than I did yesterday. I also need to get some cleaning done and do my girls’ hair. There, goals set…

The Body

I feel terrible. My head has not hurt this bad since I first started the cleanse. This headache is really intense. I know the greater part of it is the lack of sleep. I probably only slept for about 2 hours. Still though, I just thought I would be feeling better by now. I have minor pains but it’s not too bad. My eyes are really bothering me though. I don’t know if it is allergies or lupus – both ailments cause eye dryness and irritation and so does Candida – so who knows. I also have sores in my mouth which will make eating extremely difficult today!

The Juice

I made the veggie juice. I call it green juice. It is made of spinach, parsley, green apple, celery and cucumber. I like to throw in a little ginger for an extra kick. It tasted pretty decent. I actually miss drinking it and I am glad I got it down. Hopefully it will help me eliminate today. No ganoderma today. I just can’t allow the caffiene in my system. I do believe the herb is helping me to get it through caffienated coffee at this point is just not an option. Maybe once the fast is over on occasion but caffiene is something I am working to get out of my life!

The Detox Process

Speaking of elimination, it’s a no show. I feel bloated and constipated. I obviously just don’t know what I am doing here because nothing is going right. I need to do an enema or SWF but I just really don’t want to. My bowels need to be moving on their own! I don’t know what to do. I am at a loss.

The Human Influencers

A sister called me from Orlando today. Her name is Pastor Joy. She is one of my social networking friends whom I don’t actually know other than by our profiles. She said she felt led to call me and I so appreciated her obedience. We prayed together and it was powerful. It was really encouraging to speak to her even though it had nothing to do with fasting, she lifted my spirit.

The Spirit

I feel bad tonight. The condition of my body today — extreme fatigue, sleepiness, burning eyes and splitting migraine – put a damper on my energy for prayer and study. Other than the prayer with Joy I did nothing else. I plan to read a bit after posting but I just feel like I am not hearing God’s direction anymore about what to do. I blew it somewhere. I have gotten off track. Lord please help me!

The Daily Grind

I spent all morning minding my baby girls. Dad was gone all day so it was just me and my little ladies. They are always fun and challenging and a lot of work. I gave baths and started my 1 year old’s hair. Her hair is a nightmare. It usually takes about four to five hours to do it, and that’s not even anything elaborate. It just gets very tangled and I have to do it very slowly to minimize pain and hair loss (never mind my sanity). I was really going to cut her hair down today so it would be easier to manage but I really don’t want to do it. I think I am going to have to though. Hair day is a torture on her and me, besides she has plenty of years to grow it back.

Other than that just chores and labor all day. I said my body kept me from praying but my schedule today was probably more of a factor. Days when Dad is not around it really makes a difference. And just think, he is looking for some part-time work that will keep him out of the home daily! We need the money but Lawd can my nerves survive, LOL.

The Daily Reflection

Frustration is blinding… It’s amazing; I do feel overcome by frustration right now and it seems to have blinded me. It’s like I am in a fog. I can’t find my direction. I don’t even remember why I started this thing.

40 Days of Fasting – Day 16

October 18, 2009 at 10:42 pm | Posted in Fasting, ganoderma, Master Cleanse | 1 Comment
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Sunday October 18, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

I feel so good this morning! I stayed in bed so late, LOL. I was not sleep the entire time but I just wanted to lie. Yesterday was a very difficult day for me physically. My body really suffered, but my soul and spirit soared. I wake up this morning in the afterglow of it all. One strange thing is that I have been having really weird dreams almost nightly. They are not really nightmares but most do seem to have an unpleasant tone. There is a sense of anxiety in the dreams. Hmmm… What’s this all about?

The Personal Goal

OMG (oh my gosh). I just have so much to do today, an always really. I just am feeling really behind though. A speaking engagement always throws me out of my normal routine. That is why I really appreciate the honorariums that I receive because I truly do lose out on business and income when I have to prepare for these engagements.

Anyway, I must get my oldest daughter’s hair washed today! I am supposed to do it once per week and I never did it last week so it is looking rough. I want to cook a healthy dinner tonight too and read a certain book to the children. I also hope to finish up our scriptures from yesterday and I need to update the calendar on my website.

Wow, that’s a lot and it really is not even the half of what I need to get done, but that will do as goals for today.

The Body

My body felt good this morning! I was so happy when I woke up because I was really getting discouraged about my body. Last night I had a fever of over 100 and just felt generally “yucky”. I don’t know what has caused this dramatic change but I am happy for it. I mean I don’t feel great, but I do notice a significant difference. The only thing different that I did that I can think of is drink the ganoderma and curse sickness. Upon laying down last night and feeling a migraine coming on I just got so frustrated that I said out loud and with sincerity, “I curse this pain in my body! I curse candida. I curse systemic lupus. I curse you at the root and send you back to the pits of hell from whence you came in Yeshua’s name!” I don’t really know what I was expecting; I was just so tired of feeling bad. Was it the prayer or the ganoderma or both working together? I’m not sure I will have to ask the Lord, I just know that I am happy.

The Juice

As with yesterday, I skipped all other “special drinks” today other than the ganoderma coffee drink. I had a dual experience with ganoderma yesterday. First off, the drink tasted great! It was an instant latte powder similar to General Foods International instant coffees. It was indeed pleasurable. Secondly, I noticed an IMMEDIATE change in my body. It was as if I had drunk liquid pain killer. My headache went away, my body stopped aching, I received and energy boost and my mind was more alert. Thirdly though, and this is the other side of it, it made my chest hurt! The distributor assured me that there was no actual coffee in the drink. I was under the impression that I was drinking a “coffee like” drink. But my heart started palpitating so hard that my chest felt like it was going to explode and I was having trouble breathing and I got dizzy!

This surprised me because this is common reaction that I have when I drink coffee on an empty stomach, and I did drink this on a VERY empty stomach – two weeks of empty! I thought to myself, “Surely this drink must be made of real caffeinated coffee!” So I looked it up on the website when I got home and yes indeed it is made of real coffee. This really upset me because I did not want to drink coffee and would have never drunk it on an empty stomach!

Nonetheless, because of the positive experience in my body yesterday (even though I was tricked into drinking it) I decided to drink more to see if I would have the same experience. I of course ate first this time. I had an a half of apple and drank a kefir, soy, and berry smoothie. I forced it all down because my stomach is just really not interested in receiving food right now and I feel full so quickly and for so long after I eat. Anyway, man this is long juice entry, LOL… I did experience the same boost but it didn’t seem quite as dramatic. Let’s see what happens tomorrow.

The Detox Process

Only one elimination today and it was rather hard. That was a bummer. I really want my bowels to be regular without enemas and flushes. I can’t live on them for the rest of my life. Hopefully my system is just trying to regulate. I wonder if the caffeine messed me up?

The Human Influencers

Really no report here today other than to say seeing my children eat healthy food is very encouraging. Sometimes they like, and sometimes they don’t. However just to know that I am being a good example in front of them and laying a solid foundation is wonderful motivation for me to keep going!

The Spirit

I’m tired and kind of numb tonight. It was a very “cares of the world” kind of day. I had many chores to attend and did not have a chance to at any moment slip away to read or pray. At this moment it is about 10:30 pm and I am exhausted. I only care to hurry through this entry, post it and go to bed. I pray for a better spiritual day tomorrow.

The Daily Grind

Grind, grind, grind indeed. I am glad that I stayed in bed late because it was all chores all day once I got up! I washed hair, cooked dinner and read stories. I did not read the scriptures to the kids though. I would have normally chosen the scriptures over the stories but I had promised them and also the stories are in a school book that needs to be returned.

Dinner tasted good, well to me anyway and to some of the kids, LOL. I made vegetable and lentil stew. It contained a mixture of lentils, carrots, celery, squash, green beans, onions, garlic, green pepper, and red pepper. Basically a vegetable nightmare to most kids, LOL, LOL. It was good to actually be able to eat some though. I could only manage down a very small bowl and I had a medium sized green salad. Again it was difficult for me to eat this. I actually wish I could just go back to not eating… sigh. I am down to 105 lbs now and my body was pushed to the limit with two weeks of no food. I know that I have to keep rebuilding my diet daily; however I am on a very strict diet and will remain so until this 40 days ends in 24 more days.

The Daily Reflection

Should one keep a promise that they never should have made? I was thinking about this today as I read the stories to my children. I really wanted to read the scriptures to them but I had promised that I would read the book so I did. The book turned out to be really boring; it wasn’t what we thought it would be. That is why it is better to say “I will try to…” instead of saying “I promise to…” then we leave ourselves with a graceful out.

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