Are You Wife Material?

October 25, 2009 at 11:21 pm | Posted in Articles, Marriage and Dating | Leave a comment
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A little girl attracts a playa, while a woman attracts a man:

A whore attracts a pimp, while a wife attracts a husband!

This was just on my heart tonight because so many single Christian women talk to me about wanting to get married. I sympathize with my Christian sisters that come to me sharing their desire to marry a nice Christian brother that will love the Lord and treat them right. Even though I have been married for 10 years now, I will never, ever forget what it was like to be a single woman desiring a husband.

Nonetheless I have learned something over the years and it is this: There is a difference between “getting married” and “being a wife”. A lot of women want to get married but they don’t want to be a wife! Now I know that sounds crazy but in 10 years of ministering in this area I have observed this to be true. People are in love with the “ideal” of marriage yet detached from the (sometimes harsh) reality of what it means to be a spouse!

I can recall all of the relationships that ended up leading to fornication that I was involved in before I met my husband. I really wanted to get married, but I didn’t know how to be a wife. I only knew how to be a whore. I know that sounds harsh but I am voicing a reality that I lived at that time of my life. After having been raped and molested from the ages of 2-7 at various times; then continuing on into a life of promiscuity as a teenager; graduating to a life of stripping and prostituting as a young adult – all I knew was how to be a whore. That is not what I wanted to be, but it was all that I knew to be.

At the same time, my emotional development had been literally suspended during the years of abuse. This is typical of most sexual abuse victims. We continue to grow physically and often times even mentally and intellectually. However, emotionally we remain suspended in time. I was trapped in an emotional time warp; a desperate little girl looking for a hero to rescue and redeem me. I was a victim who continued to get victimized by villains!

A couple of months before I met my husband God told me to begin to read and recite proverbs 31 daily and to pray for my husband-to-be. I had no idea who this husband was or when or how I’d meet him. As a matter of fact it was preposterous thought because I had just broken off an engagement with a man whose brother I had an affair with just about a month before getting engaged to! I certainly didn’t think God was ready or willing to bless me with a husband.

I simply followed the unction of the spirit and began reciting that scripture every day. At the same time I got everything in my life in order. My house was spotlessly clean. I cooked dinner almost every night. I exercised regularly to keep my body fit and strong. I prayed fervently and had an awesome relationship with the Lord. I cleaned up my friendships and moved any and everyone out of the way that would hinder my development.

Two months after the last episode of fornication in my life, I was an empty and available vessel. At last I had become a wife. I was no longer a whore; I was no longer a little girl; I was no longer a victim. I was a grown woman that was ready for a grown man. I was a wife that was ready for a husband. When I was ready not only to get married but to really be a wife — that is when God released my husband.

It’s interesting to note that my husband Emmanuel had been celibate nearly six years before we married and had only dated one person during that time (which he regretted). He proclaimed in faith that he was just “going to wait” until God sent him his wife, and other than the one dating incident that is exactly what he did. My reason for mentioning this is to say that I believe it was me who delayed our coming together. You see, he was ready and waiting for his WIFE. He didn’t want ’round the way girl. He wanted the WIFE that he had been praying and believing God for and God could not bring us together until my life and character was a manifestation of answered prayer for my husband.

Anyone who has followed my ministry works you know I keep it raw. So let me just be true to my calling and tell it like it is! If you really want to get married you need to start becoming a wife so you can attract a husband; and if you really want that husband to be a man you need to start acting like a woman and put away your childish emotions and games. See playas are attracted to little girls and their games and pimps are attracted to hoes and their sex!

If you have an ear, hear me so that 2010 can be the year that you marry your destined soul mate!!!

In His Compassion,

Prophetess Laneen Haniah,

Dr. Intimacy

PS Want to read more about how my husband and I met? Go to our website www.heartcompassion.org. I share our story on the site.

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40 Days of Fasting – Day 21

October 23, 2009 at 11:09 pm | Posted in Fasting | 4 Comments
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Friday October 23, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

I felt energized this morning – certainly not in my body, but in my soul. I didn’t go to bed until 4am. I was so stirred I couldn’t sleep! I had such joy in my soul as I cleaned for hours before I slept last night. My soul is coming back into the perpetual Sabbath rest that I enjoyed before my life was devastated six months ago!

The Personal Goal

Today my goal is very important. I must get my home prepared for Shabbat and start on time! Every week I seemed to still be up to my neck in… something or other. Sundown comes and goes and I end up coming to the table frustrated at the lateness of the hour. Not so tonight, not so!

I want to sort the mail in my room today, or at least get started. It is too much to do in one day but I want to make a dent in it. I would also like to wash my hair but that is a bit of an ambitious goal because I got only 2 hours of sleep last night! But I will accomplish progress today I promise!

The Body

My body feels OK. It is not great but certainly not as crummy as it has been on other mornings. I am just taking it day by day. If it takes another three years for these dietary changes and supplements to bring total renewal then so be it. I just have to be committed and I am!

My weight is back up to 108 lbs and I am so happy about that. I would like for it to get right back up to 115. That is my favorite number in terms of weight. I also pray that by next week I start exercising again.

The Juice

I am on a new juice regimen now, LOL. Ok, now I am trying to drink apple cider vinegar (acv) daily. It is antifungal and has many other wonderful healing properties. I put it in Detox tea this morning and it was OK. Certainly not enjoyable but I had no problem finishing it. So I guess this and my veggies juice can replace the garlic! LOL

The Detox Process

I eliminated only once today. I really haven’t been eating a candida cleanse friendly diet. I have had sugar daily. It’s been in small amounts mostly from natural sources. But I have also added honey to my tea and other such things. I have had caffeine, bread and pasta as well. I guess my bowels are having a hard time regulating. But I will wait patiently for this to finish and then I will start my colon cleanse. I will be fine.

The Human Influencers

My husband and children were very excited about the Sabbath today. I see God moving more and more every week. I can truly say that I have never seen such joy in my husband about the Sabbath and he really applied himself diligently today to help ensure that we be ready on time. My children came home and got right to work to help clean so the night would be special. This was very encouraging today. Now… if only Ja’keim were here, sigh.

The Spirit

Peace, peace, peace… the peace of God is echoing in my spirit. I love the place that I am in right now. This is how I remember Sabbath being long ago when we first began to observe it. I don’t really understand this “fast” that I am on. It certainly has nothing to do with hunger, yet I can see the changes and I am grateful!

The Daily Grind

I had many chores today but I can’t say they were a grind. I just enjoyed cleaning today and preparing the house for Shabbat. I sorted piles and piles of old mail and papers for hours. I found many things that I thought were lost, LOL. I also washed my hair and took a bath. I can’t believe I got all of that done. When my kids came home we thoroughly cleaned the kitchen in a way that we have not done in many months and I cooked a delicious dinner that we ate after we finished our Shabbat ceremony. It was an awesome day!

The Daily Reflection

Happiness is a choice. Today I did have a low moment. I called Office Max to advocate for some max perks rewards that I was unjustly denied. After about an hour on the phone I was defeated in my purpose. The lady on the phone told me to have a good day as we were saying goodbye and I said in despair, “I won’t, goodbye!” After hanging up I thought about what I said and I immediately retracted those words. The denial from them hurt because they owe me $27 and in lean times like this I really need that money. But I thought, “so what, will I let this ruin my whole day now?” At that moment I chose happiness. I dismissed the disappointment that I felt about the denial and embraced the peace and joy of God. I won in the end through the power of choice! Hallelujah!

40 Days of Fasting – Day 20

October 23, 2009 at 11:08 pm | Posted in Fasting | Leave a comment
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Thursday October 22, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

It is getting more and more challenging to keep up with this journal. I actually never had a chance to record my feelings yesterday and it is amazing to me how quickly I can forget what I felt like only about 24 hours ago! Feelings – emotions – they are so very fleeting. It is ashamed that we make so many major decisions based on them!

The Personal Goal

My goal for today is basically just to get my oldest daughter’s hair relaxed. This is an odyssey. I have to shop for the products and the process itself takes around 3 to 5 hours from start to finish depending on how I style her hair!

The Body

Sore and achy, a little headachy; I am just still believing for the day I am going to jump up out of bed feeling who and full of energy. But, that’s not today LOL.

The Juice

Wow what an experience today! I tried something that I promise never to do again. I have really wanted to eat or drink raw garlic to help with the candida. However I have not the courage. Well today I thought I had a plan: put 3 cloves of garlic along with parsley and spinach into my juicer to make a 4oz shooter. I figured I could gulp down 4oz easily and then chase it down with juice that I actually like which is the cucumber celery, apple. Well no problem guzzling the shooter. However I did not realize that garlic was so potent. It burned my stomach and throat so bad and made me so sick! It was awful pain that I felt. I had to lie down for hours after that.

The Detox Process

I never eliminated today. That is very disheartening but I refuse to do enema or SWF. I am going to give my body a chance to regulate on its own. I plan on doing a 30 colon cleanse once I finish the candida cleanse.

The Human Influencers

After I laid down from the garlic sickness I didn’t know what to do with the babies. It was too early to put them in the crib and dad was sleep. I told them both to climb up into bed with me and they were so cooperative. We have a great time playing peek-a-boo with the covers, tickling and reading picture books! If they had not wanted to stay in the room with me it would have been rough on me because I really felt sick. (Smile).

The Spirit

I have to admit that I am feeling really frustrated about my life right now. I don’t think I have ever had such a spiritually discontent “fast”. This is a different experience for me and I wonder if I am really still even fasting since all foods are back into my diet without restriction. I have to preach again in three weeks and I don’t want to be pulling an “all-nighter” in prayer trying to make up for weeks of spiritual drought!

The Daily Grind

OMG, hair, hair, hair and more hair! I did major work on all three of my girls heads this week and tomorrow I will have to do mine. This is rough. Then to make it so bad, doing their hair always wreaks havoc in my room since all of the hair stuff in here. After finally finishing my daughter’s hair I had to stay up until around three to clean up the aftermath (I did a little extra; still trying to get my room back to 100%) Needing to rest early threw me off schedule because I never went shopping for the products so I didn’t get back home and started until 6:30pm.

The Daily Reflection

It is amazing to me how quickly I can forget what I felt like only about 24 hours ago! Feelings – emotions – they are so very fleeting. It is ashamed that we make so many major decisions based on them!

40 Days of Fasting – Day 19

October 21, 2009 at 9:37 pm | Posted in Fasting, Master Cleanse | 1 Comment
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Wednesday: October 21, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

I felt a lot better upon rising this morning. I prayed with Melody right before bed and that really lifted my spirit. I forgot to pray about the dreams though and thus had bad dreams again! I can’t forget about this today!

The Personal Goal

I have to go shopping. It’s wednesday and it’s that time once again. I’ll be on my own today because Emmanuel is really wiped from MC. Its day 8 for him and we ran out of lemons so I have to get going on the double!

Any other goal would be over-zealous. My body is still fighting. I didn’t even want to go shopping but to see my husband suffering without his lemons is motivating me. I would have to go to whole foods to get organic lemons anyway and it just wouldn’t make sense to not go shopping while there!

The Body

My body feels a little better this morning! I was afraid about how I would feel waking up due to how terribly I felt yesterday. However I actually feel a bit more rested, only slight headache and a lot less pain. Maybe yesterday the die off peaked. I actually ate a cookie last night. Now I know that sounds bad but it’s not what you think LOL! After doing all of my research yesterday I learned that if the die-off response is too severe one should slow it down by feeding the candida; and there is no better way to do that than to give it sugar! It was a mini cookie and I have to admit that although at first I enjoyed it, as it settled in my mouth I found it to be wayyyy too sweet. My tastebuds have indeed changed and when I start eating desserts again, I will have to make them homemade so I can lessen the amount of sugar in them! This is a good thing.

The Juice

Today I drank veggie juice and I actually enjoyed it quite much. It was cucumber, celery apple with one TBS of green powder added to it. I really didn’t think I would like but I actually loved it. Now I never thought I would say that about veggie juice and green powder (two things that I find nasty in their own right, LOL). But the powder was tasty and omitting the parsley from the juice made a big difference. Maybe tomorrow I’ll make a ½ cup of garlic parsley juice with water and gush it down and then move on to the juice I enjoy. I really need to start getting some fresh garlic in my system but swallowing it is tough on my throat, however drinking the juice is tough on my mouth!

The Detox Process

I went twice today and everything is still hard and dark. Nonetheless I am glad that it is coming out. This morning my body felt better but by tonight (as I am typing this) I feel almost just as bad as I did yesterday. My appetite is certainly back with a vengeance. I don’t say this proudly because I am eating very healthy meals and still feeling hungry afterward which means my colon is still not properly absorbing nutrients. This all really makes me want to quit but I have to keep pressing in and I will.

The Human Influencers

I think I continue to encourage myself greatly. Today I saw some delicious chocolate pudding in the store. It was made with all organic ingredients. I wanted it sooo… bad. It is so hard not to eat sweets when I can eat everything else; it is like something is missing. I really felt like the Lord told me it was OK to have the pudding. I smiled and I was drooling as I planned to eat it in the van on the way home. But you know, I decided not to eat it even though I “was allowed to”. I want my desires to change and I don’t want to do just what is permissible but that which is truly beneficial. So thumbs up to myself! LOL

The Spirit

I felt good today. I listen to great praise music while I shopped and just felt wonderful in my spirit. There is something about shopping at whole foods that makes me feel good. I think it’s knowing that I am buying the right things for this family God has blessed me with. It was a rainy gray day, but light shined in my heart. I had wonderful prayer during my quiet time and I just feel good in my spirit even though my body is in pain.

The Daily Grind

What can I say? It was shopping day. I started at around 9am with the list and preparations and finished about 5:30 with putting it all away when I got home. Oh man this is tough. But I got it done, got dinner prepared and got the kids and my husband off to church so I could enjoy my “Wednesday Peace” LOL. I so enjoyed the quiet (they’re back now! LOL)

The Daily Reflection

It is amazing how doing the right thing can cause you to stand tall in your heart but how doing the wrong thing can cause your heart to faint. Last night I had planned in my mind to give up on this journey. I was going to make myself some creamy rice pudding and call it quits. Although my flesh was greedily lusting for that dessert, my heart was withering within at the very thought of turning away from my purpose. Today as I shopped and brought all of the right things, committed once again to go all the way, my heart stood strong and tall once again.

40 Days of Fasting – Day 18

October 20, 2009 at 9:24 pm | Posted in Candida, Fasting, Master Cleanse | 2 Comments
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Tuesday October 20, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

Feeling bad as I am awakened this morning to a horrifying nightmare! Ok, I know what this is now… duh! I have been having a lot of strange dreams since the Detox really picked up, but the last couple of days they have been more than strange. They have been BAD and last night was the worse. This is something that commonly happens to me after I minister effectively if I don’t recite certain prayers over myself – which I did not do this past Saturday. When am I going to learn?  Alright, well at least I know what to do now. The nightmares should cease tonight.

The Personal Goal

I am again feeling lethargic and uninterested in setting personal goals but I must press on. Besides I have special motivation today. My long lost son is coming to visit! Yes Ja’Keim, my 15 year old that I have not seen since April (6 months ago) will be here today. I don’t think he can stay long. His foster dad is bringing him and has to do some other things this evening, but whatever time he is here I want it to be meaningful. In light of this I want to tidy up the kitchen and make sure that all the children look bright and shiny, LOL. I hope I will have the energy.

The Body

I feel worse and worse. My head was hurting again this morning, although not quite as much as yesterday. I went to bed at about 11pm last night and got up around 8am so I did get adequate sleep. You would never know it of course. In addition to the thrush mouth and canker sores I now have a yeast infection. This Candida is raging in my body. I believe the caffeine gave it a boost. I gained a pound back. That is certainly good news. I am constipated, that is bad news.

The Juice

Juice? What juice? LOL, I have no report for juice today. This pain and fatigue that I am suffering is down right debilitating right now. I didn’t have the strength. I had eggs and berries for breakfast and didn’t eat again until dinner. I had a hardy dinner that I really enjoy; brown jasmine rice, steamed spinach and zucchini and baked chicken. Oh how it felt to sink my teeth into some meat! Oh… this has nothing to do with just does it, LOL. Well come to find out it is very important to eat protein to help rid yourself of candida. I was on a destructive course. So glad God is leading me in His wisdom!

The Detox Process

I eliminated twice today. It is still kind of hard and dark in color (healthy stool should look like peanut butter. I know that messed you up right, LOL). I would have to say this is an improvement on yesterday. I found out that I can take my probiotic up to three times daily so I will increase the dose tomorrow.

The Human Influencers

None good or bad to report; I just pressed on through the day as best as I could.

The Spirit

Another tough day. Emmanuel is on day 7 of master cleanse. He slept all day leaving me with girls alone. Today was just like yesterday in this sense. The one great difference though was getting to see my son! Yes I saw him; I saw him; and I hugged him!!! I hugged him for so long. He is so tall, I had to reach up. I tried to be tough but I cried on him. He is 15 so I thought he would get upset because I was being mushy but he held on to me too. He seemed just as emotional about it as I was, LOL. Ohhhh that felt great. Thank you Lord, thank you so much for this gift.

The Daily Grind

I spent many hours today doing my other daughter’s hair (yesterday was the baby today was the 3 year old) and just taking care of my little ladies. Normally I can multitask but I can’t stress enough how much pain I am in. I was really cranky today, it was terrible. The pain is just so bad. I was snapping at my husband for no reason other than the fact that I was just mad about being in pain and him resting all day.

Then I was preparing the children for seeing their big brother for the first time in so long. It was all very emotional but they were so estatic. I have at least spoken to him, they haven’t!

After that I spent my evening doing much more research on Candida. I have what I consider good news to report. The increase in symptoms is supposedly a sign that the treatment is working. It is called “die off”. In severe cases the die off symptoms are worse, which hopefully is what I am experiencing. It could be flaring up the lupus too. I am not sure but I have to press through on this!

The Daily Reflection

Who really knows what is in their own hearts? Why did I cry today when I saw my son? I am not one of those mushy type of people. My mom often cries when she sees me and I wonder why. I don’t really know why I cried today. It was unexpected. Those tears were hidden deep in my heart needing a release and I didn’t even know it.

40 Days of Fasting – Day 17

October 19, 2009 at 9:22 pm | Posted in Fasting, ganoderma | Leave a comment
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Monday October 19, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

FRUSTRATION! Why am I having these stupid dreams?! Why did it take me until 3:00am to fall asleep?! Why do I have a splitting migraine this morning?! What is the point of all of my labor? None of it seems to be paying off!!!

The Personal Goal

I don’t want to set personal goals today. I feel like quitting. I really want to give up on this whole idea! But since I am writing I might as well set one… sigh. Ok I need to drink some veggie juice today and try to eat a little more than I did yesterday. I also need to get some cleaning done and do my girls’ hair. There, goals set…

The Body

I feel terrible. My head has not hurt this bad since I first started the cleanse. This headache is really intense. I know the greater part of it is the lack of sleep. I probably only slept for about 2 hours. Still though, I just thought I would be feeling better by now. I have minor pains but it’s not too bad. My eyes are really bothering me though. I don’t know if it is allergies or lupus – both ailments cause eye dryness and irritation and so does Candida – so who knows. I also have sores in my mouth which will make eating extremely difficult today!

The Juice

I made the veggie juice. I call it green juice. It is made of spinach, parsley, green apple, celery and cucumber. I like to throw in a little ginger for an extra kick. It tasted pretty decent. I actually miss drinking it and I am glad I got it down. Hopefully it will help me eliminate today. No ganoderma today. I just can’t allow the caffiene in my system. I do believe the herb is helping me to get it through caffienated coffee at this point is just not an option. Maybe once the fast is over on occasion but caffiene is something I am working to get out of my life!

The Detox Process

Speaking of elimination, it’s a no show. I feel bloated and constipated. I obviously just don’t know what I am doing here because nothing is going right. I need to do an enema or SWF but I just really don’t want to. My bowels need to be moving on their own! I don’t know what to do. I am at a loss.

The Human Influencers

A sister called me from Orlando today. Her name is Pastor Joy. She is one of my social networking friends whom I don’t actually know other than by our profiles. She said she felt led to call me and I so appreciated her obedience. We prayed together and it was powerful. It was really encouraging to speak to her even though it had nothing to do with fasting, she lifted my spirit.

The Spirit

I feel bad tonight. The condition of my body today — extreme fatigue, sleepiness, burning eyes and splitting migraine – put a damper on my energy for prayer and study. Other than the prayer with Joy I did nothing else. I plan to read a bit after posting but I just feel like I am not hearing God’s direction anymore about what to do. I blew it somewhere. I have gotten off track. Lord please help me!

The Daily Grind

I spent all morning minding my baby girls. Dad was gone all day so it was just me and my little ladies. They are always fun and challenging and a lot of work. I gave baths and started my 1 year old’s hair. Her hair is a nightmare. It usually takes about four to five hours to do it, and that’s not even anything elaborate. It just gets very tangled and I have to do it very slowly to minimize pain and hair loss (never mind my sanity). I was really going to cut her hair down today so it would be easier to manage but I really don’t want to do it. I think I am going to have to though. Hair day is a torture on her and me, besides she has plenty of years to grow it back.

Other than that just chores and labor all day. I said my body kept me from praying but my schedule today was probably more of a factor. Days when Dad is not around it really makes a difference. And just think, he is looking for some part-time work that will keep him out of the home daily! We need the money but Lawd can my nerves survive, LOL.

The Daily Reflection

Frustration is blinding… It’s amazing; I do feel overcome by frustration right now and it seems to have blinded me. It’s like I am in a fog. I can’t find my direction. I don’t even remember why I started this thing.

40 Days of Fasting – Day 16

October 18, 2009 at 10:42 pm | Posted in Fasting, ganoderma, Master Cleanse | 1 Comment
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Sunday October 18, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

I feel so good this morning! I stayed in bed so late, LOL. I was not sleep the entire time but I just wanted to lie. Yesterday was a very difficult day for me physically. My body really suffered, but my soul and spirit soared. I wake up this morning in the afterglow of it all. One strange thing is that I have been having really weird dreams almost nightly. They are not really nightmares but most do seem to have an unpleasant tone. There is a sense of anxiety in the dreams. Hmmm… What’s this all about?

The Personal Goal

OMG (oh my gosh). I just have so much to do today, an always really. I just am feeling really behind though. A speaking engagement always throws me out of my normal routine. That is why I really appreciate the honorariums that I receive because I truly do lose out on business and income when I have to prepare for these engagements.

Anyway, I must get my oldest daughter’s hair washed today! I am supposed to do it once per week and I never did it last week so it is looking rough. I want to cook a healthy dinner tonight too and read a certain book to the children. I also hope to finish up our scriptures from yesterday and I need to update the calendar on my website.

Wow, that’s a lot and it really is not even the half of what I need to get done, but that will do as goals for today.

The Body

My body felt good this morning! I was so happy when I woke up because I was really getting discouraged about my body. Last night I had a fever of over 100 and just felt generally “yucky”. I don’t know what has caused this dramatic change but I am happy for it. I mean I don’t feel great, but I do notice a significant difference. The only thing different that I did that I can think of is drink the ganoderma and curse sickness. Upon laying down last night and feeling a migraine coming on I just got so frustrated that I said out loud and with sincerity, “I curse this pain in my body! I curse candida. I curse systemic lupus. I curse you at the root and send you back to the pits of hell from whence you came in Yeshua’s name!” I don’t really know what I was expecting; I was just so tired of feeling bad. Was it the prayer or the ganoderma or both working together? I’m not sure I will have to ask the Lord, I just know that I am happy.

The Juice

As with yesterday, I skipped all other “special drinks” today other than the ganoderma coffee drink. I had a dual experience with ganoderma yesterday. First off, the drink tasted great! It was an instant latte powder similar to General Foods International instant coffees. It was indeed pleasurable. Secondly, I noticed an IMMEDIATE change in my body. It was as if I had drunk liquid pain killer. My headache went away, my body stopped aching, I received and energy boost and my mind was more alert. Thirdly though, and this is the other side of it, it made my chest hurt! The distributor assured me that there was no actual coffee in the drink. I was under the impression that I was drinking a “coffee like” drink. But my heart started palpitating so hard that my chest felt like it was going to explode and I was having trouble breathing and I got dizzy!

This surprised me because this is common reaction that I have when I drink coffee on an empty stomach, and I did drink this on a VERY empty stomach – two weeks of empty! I thought to myself, “Surely this drink must be made of real caffeinated coffee!” So I looked it up on the website when I got home and yes indeed it is made of real coffee. This really upset me because I did not want to drink coffee and would have never drunk it on an empty stomach!

Nonetheless, because of the positive experience in my body yesterday (even though I was tricked into drinking it) I decided to drink more to see if I would have the same experience. I of course ate first this time. I had an a half of apple and drank a kefir, soy, and berry smoothie. I forced it all down because my stomach is just really not interested in receiving food right now and I feel full so quickly and for so long after I eat. Anyway, man this is long juice entry, LOL… I did experience the same boost but it didn’t seem quite as dramatic. Let’s see what happens tomorrow.

The Detox Process

Only one elimination today and it was rather hard. That was a bummer. I really want my bowels to be regular without enemas and flushes. I can’t live on them for the rest of my life. Hopefully my system is just trying to regulate. I wonder if the caffeine messed me up?

The Human Influencers

Really no report here today other than to say seeing my children eat healthy food is very encouraging. Sometimes they like, and sometimes they don’t. However just to know that I am being a good example in front of them and laying a solid foundation is wonderful motivation for me to keep going!

The Spirit

I’m tired and kind of numb tonight. It was a very “cares of the world” kind of day. I had many chores to attend and did not have a chance to at any moment slip away to read or pray. At this moment it is about 10:30 pm and I am exhausted. I only care to hurry through this entry, post it and go to bed. I pray for a better spiritual day tomorrow.

The Daily Grind

Grind, grind, grind indeed. I am glad that I stayed in bed late because it was all chores all day once I got up! I washed hair, cooked dinner and read stories. I did not read the scriptures to the kids though. I would have normally chosen the scriptures over the stories but I had promised them and also the stories are in a school book that needs to be returned.

Dinner tasted good, well to me anyway and to some of the kids, LOL. I made vegetable and lentil stew. It contained a mixture of lentils, carrots, celery, squash, green beans, onions, garlic, green pepper, and red pepper. Basically a vegetable nightmare to most kids, LOL, LOL. It was good to actually be able to eat some though. I could only manage down a very small bowl and I had a medium sized green salad. Again it was difficult for me to eat this. I actually wish I could just go back to not eating… sigh. I am down to 105 lbs now and my body was pushed to the limit with two weeks of no food. I know that I have to keep rebuilding my diet daily; however I am on a very strict diet and will remain so until this 40 days ends in 24 more days.

The Daily Reflection

Should one keep a promise that they never should have made? I was thinking about this today as I read the stories to my children. I really wanted to read the scriptures to them but I had promised that I would read the book so I did. The book turned out to be really boring; it wasn’t what we thought it would be. That is why it is better to say “I will try to…” instead of saying “I promise to…” then we leave ourselves with a graceful out.

40 Days of Fasting – Day 15

October 18, 2009 at 10:40 pm | Posted in Fasting, ganoderma, Master Cleanse | Leave a comment
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Saturday October 17, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

I feel really good this morning! I have not woken up feeling “really good” in a few days so this is great. I am very excited about preaching today. I also feel hopeful and encouraged. Also Emmanuel is going to be able to come with me!!! We have someone coming over to watch the children for us. This never happens because we have not found anyone in the last 4 years since we moved to Dallas to be reliable in watching our children. A lady recently moved near us from Florida and she has 7 grandkids and loves children, so she’ll be coming over today for the first time. I am hopeful that this is going to work out because I really love her spirit.

The Personal Goal

I have but one goal today and that is to preach with the power of the Holy Spirit! I want to minister the Word of Life to these young ladies and their mentors and for their lives to be forever changed. I want to be God’s vessel today. I want Him to be heard and seen and not me!

When I get back home I just want to enjoy the rest of Shabbat with my children, relax and do Havdalah again this week (the Sabbath closing ceremony).

The Body

The usual aches and pains this morning; quite honestly it seems as if the severity is increasing daily. In addition to the pain, I had a terrible migraine when I laid down last night and woke up with the same. I have also been experience numbness and tingling in my hands, arms, feet and legs which seems to be getting more frequent and stronger. I feel extremely sleepy and drained. I will really need Yahweh’s power to rise up in my today as I minister. I just don’t have any of my own physical strength to offer.

The Juice

This morning I started off with a disgusting cup of Detox tea. Then I decided to go another route. I have some ganoderma coffee drink here. I’ve had it here for a while. The distributor gave me some free samples and I told him I could not try it until the consecration was over (because I just thought that would be too pleasurable, LOL.) However, he insisted that I must drink it immediately saying that it would only aide my Detox efforts. Supposedly ganoderma is an herb (a fungus specifically) that has amazing healing properties from everything to headaches, to cancer, to lupus, to candida, to allergies… the list goes on and on. I figured since I am feeling no better with what I have been doing; why not give it a try. So we’ll see!

The Detox Process

I am so happy to report that I eliminated twice today on my own! I was so worried that I was going to have to go back to SWF because yesterday I didn’t go all day and I really felt bloated and uncomfortable. It seemed like it would be the same way today, but then things got moving. Prayerfully I will have the same result tomorrow!

The Human Influencers

The people that I preached to were my influencers today! Many, many people came to me after I finished speaking to thank me and tell me how blessed they were. I sold a good number of products too – well for the size of the crowd present it was good. Seeing this positive result after I spoke meant so much to me.

The Spirit

My spirit feels wonderful tonight as I close this day out. It was an accomplished day. We didn’t do Havdalah tonight. I was sooo tired. However we did read some of our scriptures for about an hour. I just feel happy and blessed and close to God.

The Daily Grind

The physical part of ministry was my grind today. Just having to get dressed and leave the house was rough; sitting around waiting to preach once I got there; having to talk to people that I didn’t necessarily enjoy afterward. I actually love speaking to most people after I preach, but every once in a while there is one or two that are just tedious and hard to bear. I had two of those today, LOL.

Emmanuel being with me today was great! However him leaving with me was bad, LOL. What I mean is once we got there I was so glad that he was with me. However, I was really annoyed this morning as we prepared to leave. He caused me to leave very late. It was almost as bad as taking the kids waiting around on him, LOL! I was really glad to have him though. He is awesome and I got to show him off. He is looking great too, on day five of his master cleanse.

The Daily Reflection

Standards should never bend, waver or wobble. That is why they are called STANDards. We ought to STAND firm when it comes to our standards. Today I had to go against the grain. At the youth conference there were other speakers before me, some of whom promoted the use of condoms and birth control for “safe sex”. Being a preacher of the Gospel I had to plainly say when I spoke that I could not promote the use of such agents because the bible says that sex outside of marriage is sin. I went on to say that there is nothing that you can do to “protect” yourself when the hand of God is against you! I am sure that made some in the room upset, but uncompromising STANDards will do that sometimes.

40 Days of Fasting – Day 14

October 16, 2009 at 10:13 pm | Posted in Fasting | 2 Comments
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Friday October 16, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

I feel absolutely crummy this morning! I seem to be detoriating more and more. I was in so much pain last night that I had to take a pain killer, which didn’t help by the way. Lying here this morning it is apparent to me that I cannot make it another 4 weeks on no food and that is very discouraging. What am I going to do? God why aren’t you helping me be stronger?

The Personal Goal

Ummm… getting out of bed. I feel like I can’t make it out of bed. I have to finish getting my media packages ready for tomorrow to I can sell them. I also need to wash my hair and my clothes. All of these things must take place today so that I will be ready for tomorrow! I don’t know where or how I will find the energy to do this… and to finish in time for Sabbath!

The Body

My body is awful. I am in pain. My throat is dry and hoarse. My eyes are stinging. My heart is beating so hard it feels like it is going to shut down. I am having trouble breathing. I am in really bad shape. This has to stop. This was not my goal and I am not going to kill myself trying to prove something to myself. I had a dream right before waking that I was talking to the lady that created the Candida product that I am taking. She was shocked when she found out that I wasn’t eating and she told me, “You have to eat while you are taking this product. It won’t work if you don’t eat.” Does that mean…

The Juice

I got up and was too weak to make my vegetable juice. My husband made it for me, but I couldn’t drink it! My body just rejected it. I don’t know how else to describe it other than to say my body wouldn’t allow me to drink it. It was then that I was looking at a green apple that was on the table and knew in my heart that I had to eat that apple. That is just what I did. I ate half a green apple. Later I drank kefir and berries. I am feeling much better – not great but still much better than I was this morning.

The Detox Process

Nothing to say here, there is nothing to report. I did not eliminate today and I am very disappointed about that. It took me all day to finish that apple because I got full so quickly. I put a little raw almond butter on it and later ate a plate of raw spinach leaves. I can’t believe that I have not eaten in 2 weeks and the first food I eat gets stuck in me! I guess I am going to have to do SWF or an enema when I get home from preaching tomorrow. I can’t do it tonight. I am too sleepy!

The Human Influencers

Melody came to my rescue again today. I cried as I ate that apple. I felt so defeated. I did not accomplish my goal and I just wanted to give up. She spoke life into my spirit and helped me understand that I can still stay on the 40 day fast while making the necessary adjustments. This is the same thing that Brother Franco (the healing evangelist) told me on the phone. You were right Franco, you were right! You are truly the expert in your field. My humble apologies for not listening to you!!!

The Spirit

I feel really blessed tonight. God really dealt with me today. He comforted me and helped me to understand what He really wants from me out of this 40 day fast. He wants me to hear from Him daily and throughout each day. Instead feeling like “I know” what I need to do and have the plan all laid out, He wants me to breathe Him in all day and hear His voice. That is why there have been so many changes and I get that now. This is not about not eating, it’s about learning to rely on the constant guidance of His voice. I am loving this!

The Daily Grind

Amazingly, I got all of my goals accomplished today. It took quite a while for me to get out of bed and really get moving. As I stated yesterday, I did indeed suffer for denying myself sleep. Nonetheless my laundry is done, my hair is washed and my media packages are all ready. Eating and hearing God gave me so much more strength today. I still feel weak but my spirit is thriving and I know that my body is going to overcome this.

The Daily Reflection

It is so hard sometimes for us to distinguish between what God really wants from us and what we think He wants from us. We often substitute His perfect will for our lives, with our imperfect interpretation of His will! That is what I did about this fast. I am so glad to be able to see the light. I pray that this will be a permanent change in my life!

40 Days of Fasting – Day 13

October 16, 2009 at 10:11 pm | Posted in Fasting | Leave a comment
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Thursday October 15, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

I feel pretty serene today. I am encouraged and hopeful about this new program that I am on. I know that it is going to be a new level of challenge because it is much stricter than the Master Cleanse. I am up to the challenge though. I have less than 4 weeks to go that is a great feeling. I can remember what an exciting time it was for me during pregnancy whenever I reached that 4 week mark!

The Personal Goal

Whoo! I’m still beat from yesterday. So is my husband and the babies. It is 8:30 and they are all still asleep, LOL.

I really miss working out, but that can’t be a goal right now. My body is just too weak to handle it; perhaps within the next few days. I have to get some laundry done today and I must get prepared for Saturday’s speaking engagement. As much as I’d like to go back to sleep right now, I am going to have to tough it out and stay awake. I have to burn CDs and print labels and get my media packages together. I will be speaking at an all girls youth conference. I am excited but not looking forward to the labor.

I am so sleepy right now. How I am longing for some coffee! That is such a trap though. I drink it; load my body up with sugar and caffeine; and then crash a couple hours later! Then to think about the long term price that I pay. Help me Lord, I need some serious strength right now.

The Body

I filled out a worksheet last night on Candida. It helps you evaluate the severity of Candida in your body. The highest possible score for women is 459, with anything above 180 being considered severe and anything under 60 being considered not an issue for you. I scored 347! I was horrified. I feel all 347 of those points in my body too. I truly believe my body can heal itself though. I am going to take this test again at the end of my fast.

The Juice

The juice was certainly different this morning. I juiced a combination of cucumber, spinach, apple, celery, parsley and ginger to make 160z. The whole process from getting all of the ingredients prepared to cleaning up and drinking took 35 minutes. Not nearly as convenient or as tasty as the lemon juice, but I know it is going to help my body. Later on I will be drinking lemon water, kefir and carrot-beet juice.

The Detox Process

I eliminated on my own this morning. It was again in the form of diarrhea. As long as I keep eliminating on my own I will not do anymore enemas or SWFs, but I can’t say that right now because I only went twice today and it was just a little bit. Let’s see how it goes tomorrow though.

The Human Influencers

I am my own worse enemy right now. I was really excited about this new program… that is until I implemented it! Everything tasted so disgusting. I have to swallow big horse pills throughout the day, swallow raw garlic and drink unsweetened kefir (made from coconut milk). I was on the verge of vomiting all day! I can honestly say that today for the first time, I really don’t want to do this anymore. It’s the dread of putting nasty things in my mouth daily. The not eating is no bother. I was happy to drink my lemonade mixture for 40 days, but I can’t see myself doing this. Lord help me!

The Spirit

I did not feel too good spiritually today. I was really discouraged today all throughout. I have really lost my joy. I was thankful for an opportunity to pray with this powerful sister from Africa. I missed prayer with her last week but this week we made it and it was wonderful. That helped me a lot and she really helped me to get refocused.

The Daily Grind

What can I say? It is 5:00AM and I am just getting in the bed! I got a really late start today on my media packaging project. I felt so weak and lethargic all day and in much pain. I finally forced myself to start at around 5pm and for the last 12 hours I have been working. I’m still not finished either! I really wanted to avoid doing these packages the day before, but that is the way it is going to be. I am going to suffer in my body for staying up this late, I really. Lord have mercy on me…

The Daily Reflection

I’m too tired to reflect today… it’s already tomorrow. My only thought right is “sleep is good!” LOL

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