40 Days of Fasting – Day 19

October 21, 2009 at 9:37 pm | Posted in Fasting, Master Cleanse | 1 Comment
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Wednesday: October 21, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

I felt a lot better upon rising this morning. I prayed with Melody right before bed and that really lifted my spirit. I forgot to pray about the dreams though and thus had bad dreams again! I can’t forget about this today!

The Personal Goal

I have to go shopping. It’s wednesday and it’s that time once again. I’ll be on my own today because Emmanuel is really wiped from MC. Its day 8 for him and we ran out of lemons so I have to get going on the double!

Any other goal would be over-zealous. My body is still fighting. I didn’t even want to go shopping but to see my husband suffering without his lemons is motivating me. I would have to go to whole foods to get organic lemons anyway and it just wouldn’t make sense to not go shopping while there!

The Body

My body feels a little better this morning! I was afraid about how I would feel waking up due to how terribly I felt yesterday. However I actually feel a bit more rested, only slight headache and a lot less pain. Maybe yesterday the die off peaked. I actually ate a cookie last night. Now I know that sounds bad but it’s not what you think LOL! After doing all of my research yesterday I learned that if the die-off response is too severe one should slow it down by feeding the candida; and there is no better way to do that than to give it sugar! It was a mini cookie and I have to admit that although at first I enjoyed it, as it settled in my mouth I found it to be wayyyy too sweet. My tastebuds have indeed changed and when I start eating desserts again, I will have to make them homemade so I can lessen the amount of sugar in them! This is a good thing.

The Juice

Today I drank veggie juice and I actually enjoyed it quite much. It was cucumber, celery apple with one TBS of green powder added to it. I really didn’t think I would like but I actually loved it. Now I never thought I would say that about veggie juice and green powder (two things that I find nasty in their own right, LOL). But the powder was tasty and omitting the parsley from the juice made a big difference. Maybe tomorrow I’ll make a ½ cup of garlic parsley juice with water and gush it down and then move on to the juice I enjoy. I really need to start getting some fresh garlic in my system but swallowing it is tough on my throat, however drinking the juice is tough on my mouth!

The Detox Process

I went twice today and everything is still hard and dark. Nonetheless I am glad that it is coming out. This morning my body felt better but by tonight (as I am typing this) I feel almost just as bad as I did yesterday. My appetite is certainly back with a vengeance. I don’t say this proudly because I am eating very healthy meals and still feeling hungry afterward which means my colon is still not properly absorbing nutrients. This all really makes me want to quit but I have to keep pressing in and I will.

The Human Influencers

I think I continue to encourage myself greatly. Today I saw some delicious chocolate pudding in the store. It was made with all organic ingredients. I wanted it sooo… bad. It is so hard not to eat sweets when I can eat everything else; it is like something is missing. I really felt like the Lord told me it was OK to have the pudding. I smiled and I was drooling as I planned to eat it in the van on the way home. But you know, I decided not to eat it even though I “was allowed to”. I want my desires to change and I don’t want to do just what is permissible but that which is truly beneficial. So thumbs up to myself! LOL

The Spirit

I felt good today. I listen to great praise music while I shopped and just felt wonderful in my spirit. There is something about shopping at whole foods that makes me feel good. I think it’s knowing that I am buying the right things for this family God has blessed me with. It was a rainy gray day, but light shined in my heart. I had wonderful prayer during my quiet time and I just feel good in my spirit even though my body is in pain.

The Daily Grind

What can I say? It was shopping day. I started at around 9am with the list and preparations and finished about 5:30 with putting it all away when I got home. Oh man this is tough. But I got it done, got dinner prepared and got the kids and my husband off to church so I could enjoy my “Wednesday Peace” LOL. I so enjoyed the quiet (they’re back now! LOL)

The Daily Reflection

It is amazing how doing the right thing can cause you to stand tall in your heart but how doing the wrong thing can cause your heart to faint. Last night I had planned in my mind to give up on this journey. I was going to make myself some creamy rice pudding and call it quits. Although my flesh was greedily lusting for that dessert, my heart was withering within at the very thought of turning away from my purpose. Today as I shopped and brought all of the right things, committed once again to go all the way, my heart stood strong and tall once again.

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40 Days of Fasting – Day 18

October 20, 2009 at 9:24 pm | Posted in Candida, Fasting, Master Cleanse | 2 Comments
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Tuesday October 20, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

Feeling bad as I am awakened this morning to a horrifying nightmare! Ok, I know what this is now… duh! I have been having a lot of strange dreams since the Detox really picked up, but the last couple of days they have been more than strange. They have been BAD and last night was the worse. This is something that commonly happens to me after I minister effectively if I don’t recite certain prayers over myself – which I did not do this past Saturday. When am I going to learn?  Alright, well at least I know what to do now. The nightmares should cease tonight.

The Personal Goal

I am again feeling lethargic and uninterested in setting personal goals but I must press on. Besides I have special motivation today. My long lost son is coming to visit! Yes Ja’Keim, my 15 year old that I have not seen since April (6 months ago) will be here today. I don’t think he can stay long. His foster dad is bringing him and has to do some other things this evening, but whatever time he is here I want it to be meaningful. In light of this I want to tidy up the kitchen and make sure that all the children look bright and shiny, LOL. I hope I will have the energy.

The Body

I feel worse and worse. My head was hurting again this morning, although not quite as much as yesterday. I went to bed at about 11pm last night and got up around 8am so I did get adequate sleep. You would never know it of course. In addition to the thrush mouth and canker sores I now have a yeast infection. This Candida is raging in my body. I believe the caffeine gave it a boost. I gained a pound back. That is certainly good news. I am constipated, that is bad news.

The Juice

Juice? What juice? LOL, I have no report for juice today. This pain and fatigue that I am suffering is down right debilitating right now. I didn’t have the strength. I had eggs and berries for breakfast and didn’t eat again until dinner. I had a hardy dinner that I really enjoy; brown jasmine rice, steamed spinach and zucchini and baked chicken. Oh how it felt to sink my teeth into some meat! Oh… this has nothing to do with just does it, LOL. Well come to find out it is very important to eat protein to help rid yourself of candida. I was on a destructive course. So glad God is leading me in His wisdom!

The Detox Process

I eliminated twice today. It is still kind of hard and dark in color (healthy stool should look like peanut butter. I know that messed you up right, LOL). I would have to say this is an improvement on yesterday. I found out that I can take my probiotic up to three times daily so I will increase the dose tomorrow.

The Human Influencers

None good or bad to report; I just pressed on through the day as best as I could.

The Spirit

Another tough day. Emmanuel is on day 7 of master cleanse. He slept all day leaving me with girls alone. Today was just like yesterday in this sense. The one great difference though was getting to see my son! Yes I saw him; I saw him; and I hugged him!!! I hugged him for so long. He is so tall, I had to reach up. I tried to be tough but I cried on him. He is 15 so I thought he would get upset because I was being mushy but he held on to me too. He seemed just as emotional about it as I was, LOL. Ohhhh that felt great. Thank you Lord, thank you so much for this gift.

The Daily Grind

I spent many hours today doing my other daughter’s hair (yesterday was the baby today was the 3 year old) and just taking care of my little ladies. Normally I can multitask but I can’t stress enough how much pain I am in. I was really cranky today, it was terrible. The pain is just so bad. I was snapping at my husband for no reason other than the fact that I was just mad about being in pain and him resting all day.

Then I was preparing the children for seeing their big brother for the first time in so long. It was all very emotional but they were so estatic. I have at least spoken to him, they haven’t!

After that I spent my evening doing much more research on Candida. I have what I consider good news to report. The increase in symptoms is supposedly a sign that the treatment is working. It is called “die off”. In severe cases the die off symptoms are worse, which hopefully is what I am experiencing. It could be flaring up the lupus too. I am not sure but I have to press through on this!

The Daily Reflection

Who really knows what is in their own hearts? Why did I cry today when I saw my son? I am not one of those mushy type of people. My mom often cries when she sees me and I wonder why. I don’t really know why I cried today. It was unexpected. Those tears were hidden deep in my heart needing a release and I didn’t even know it.

40 Days of Fasting – Day 16

October 18, 2009 at 10:42 pm | Posted in Fasting, ganoderma, Master Cleanse | 1 Comment
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Sunday October 18, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

I feel so good this morning! I stayed in bed so late, LOL. I was not sleep the entire time but I just wanted to lie. Yesterday was a very difficult day for me physically. My body really suffered, but my soul and spirit soared. I wake up this morning in the afterglow of it all. One strange thing is that I have been having really weird dreams almost nightly. They are not really nightmares but most do seem to have an unpleasant tone. There is a sense of anxiety in the dreams. Hmmm… What’s this all about?

The Personal Goal

OMG (oh my gosh). I just have so much to do today, an always really. I just am feeling really behind though. A speaking engagement always throws me out of my normal routine. That is why I really appreciate the honorariums that I receive because I truly do lose out on business and income when I have to prepare for these engagements.

Anyway, I must get my oldest daughter’s hair washed today! I am supposed to do it once per week and I never did it last week so it is looking rough. I want to cook a healthy dinner tonight too and read a certain book to the children. I also hope to finish up our scriptures from yesterday and I need to update the calendar on my website.

Wow, that’s a lot and it really is not even the half of what I need to get done, but that will do as goals for today.

The Body

My body felt good this morning! I was so happy when I woke up because I was really getting discouraged about my body. Last night I had a fever of over 100 and just felt generally “yucky”. I don’t know what has caused this dramatic change but I am happy for it. I mean I don’t feel great, but I do notice a significant difference. The only thing different that I did that I can think of is drink the ganoderma and curse sickness. Upon laying down last night and feeling a migraine coming on I just got so frustrated that I said out loud and with sincerity, “I curse this pain in my body! I curse candida. I curse systemic lupus. I curse you at the root and send you back to the pits of hell from whence you came in Yeshua’s name!” I don’t really know what I was expecting; I was just so tired of feeling bad. Was it the prayer or the ganoderma or both working together? I’m not sure I will have to ask the Lord, I just know that I am happy.

The Juice

As with yesterday, I skipped all other “special drinks” today other than the ganoderma coffee drink. I had a dual experience with ganoderma yesterday. First off, the drink tasted great! It was an instant latte powder similar to General Foods International instant coffees. It was indeed pleasurable. Secondly, I noticed an IMMEDIATE change in my body. It was as if I had drunk liquid pain killer. My headache went away, my body stopped aching, I received and energy boost and my mind was more alert. Thirdly though, and this is the other side of it, it made my chest hurt! The distributor assured me that there was no actual coffee in the drink. I was under the impression that I was drinking a “coffee like” drink. But my heart started palpitating so hard that my chest felt like it was going to explode and I was having trouble breathing and I got dizzy!

This surprised me because this is common reaction that I have when I drink coffee on an empty stomach, and I did drink this on a VERY empty stomach – two weeks of empty! I thought to myself, “Surely this drink must be made of real caffeinated coffee!” So I looked it up on the website when I got home and yes indeed it is made of real coffee. This really upset me because I did not want to drink coffee and would have never drunk it on an empty stomach!

Nonetheless, because of the positive experience in my body yesterday (even though I was tricked into drinking it) I decided to drink more to see if I would have the same experience. I of course ate first this time. I had an a half of apple and drank a kefir, soy, and berry smoothie. I forced it all down because my stomach is just really not interested in receiving food right now and I feel full so quickly and for so long after I eat. Anyway, man this is long juice entry, LOL… I did experience the same boost but it didn’t seem quite as dramatic. Let’s see what happens tomorrow.

The Detox Process

Only one elimination today and it was rather hard. That was a bummer. I really want my bowels to be regular without enemas and flushes. I can’t live on them for the rest of my life. Hopefully my system is just trying to regulate. I wonder if the caffeine messed me up?

The Human Influencers

Really no report here today other than to say seeing my children eat healthy food is very encouraging. Sometimes they like, and sometimes they don’t. However just to know that I am being a good example in front of them and laying a solid foundation is wonderful motivation for me to keep going!

The Spirit

I’m tired and kind of numb tonight. It was a very “cares of the world” kind of day. I had many chores to attend and did not have a chance to at any moment slip away to read or pray. At this moment it is about 10:30 pm and I am exhausted. I only care to hurry through this entry, post it and go to bed. I pray for a better spiritual day tomorrow.

The Daily Grind

Grind, grind, grind indeed. I am glad that I stayed in bed late because it was all chores all day once I got up! I washed hair, cooked dinner and read stories. I did not read the scriptures to the kids though. I would have normally chosen the scriptures over the stories but I had promised them and also the stories are in a school book that needs to be returned.

Dinner tasted good, well to me anyway and to some of the kids, LOL. I made vegetable and lentil stew. It contained a mixture of lentils, carrots, celery, squash, green beans, onions, garlic, green pepper, and red pepper. Basically a vegetable nightmare to most kids, LOL, LOL. It was good to actually be able to eat some though. I could only manage down a very small bowl and I had a medium sized green salad. Again it was difficult for me to eat this. I actually wish I could just go back to not eating… sigh. I am down to 105 lbs now and my body was pushed to the limit with two weeks of no food. I know that I have to keep rebuilding my diet daily; however I am on a very strict diet and will remain so until this 40 days ends in 24 more days.

The Daily Reflection

Should one keep a promise that they never should have made? I was thinking about this today as I read the stories to my children. I really wanted to read the scriptures to them but I had promised that I would read the book so I did. The book turned out to be really boring; it wasn’t what we thought it would be. That is why it is better to say “I will try to…” instead of saying “I promise to…” then we leave ourselves with a graceful out.

40 Days of Fasting – Day 15

October 18, 2009 at 10:40 pm | Posted in Fasting, ganoderma, Master Cleanse | Leave a comment
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Saturday October 17, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

I feel really good this morning! I have not woken up feeling “really good” in a few days so this is great. I am very excited about preaching today. I also feel hopeful and encouraged. Also Emmanuel is going to be able to come with me!!! We have someone coming over to watch the children for us. This never happens because we have not found anyone in the last 4 years since we moved to Dallas to be reliable in watching our children. A lady recently moved near us from Florida and she has 7 grandkids and loves children, so she’ll be coming over today for the first time. I am hopeful that this is going to work out because I really love her spirit.

The Personal Goal

I have but one goal today and that is to preach with the power of the Holy Spirit! I want to minister the Word of Life to these young ladies and their mentors and for their lives to be forever changed. I want to be God’s vessel today. I want Him to be heard and seen and not me!

When I get back home I just want to enjoy the rest of Shabbat with my children, relax and do Havdalah again this week (the Sabbath closing ceremony).

The Body

The usual aches and pains this morning; quite honestly it seems as if the severity is increasing daily. In addition to the pain, I had a terrible migraine when I laid down last night and woke up with the same. I have also been experience numbness and tingling in my hands, arms, feet and legs which seems to be getting more frequent and stronger. I feel extremely sleepy and drained. I will really need Yahweh’s power to rise up in my today as I minister. I just don’t have any of my own physical strength to offer.

The Juice

This morning I started off with a disgusting cup of Detox tea. Then I decided to go another route. I have some ganoderma coffee drink here. I’ve had it here for a while. The distributor gave me some free samples and I told him I could not try it until the consecration was over (because I just thought that would be too pleasurable, LOL.) However, he insisted that I must drink it immediately saying that it would only aide my Detox efforts. Supposedly ganoderma is an herb (a fungus specifically) that has amazing healing properties from everything to headaches, to cancer, to lupus, to candida, to allergies… the list goes on and on. I figured since I am feeling no better with what I have been doing; why not give it a try. So we’ll see!

The Detox Process

I am so happy to report that I eliminated twice today on my own! I was so worried that I was going to have to go back to SWF because yesterday I didn’t go all day and I really felt bloated and uncomfortable. It seemed like it would be the same way today, but then things got moving. Prayerfully I will have the same result tomorrow!

The Human Influencers

The people that I preached to were my influencers today! Many, many people came to me after I finished speaking to thank me and tell me how blessed they were. I sold a good number of products too – well for the size of the crowd present it was good. Seeing this positive result after I spoke meant so much to me.

The Spirit

My spirit feels wonderful tonight as I close this day out. It was an accomplished day. We didn’t do Havdalah tonight. I was sooo tired. However we did read some of our scriptures for about an hour. I just feel happy and blessed and close to God.

The Daily Grind

The physical part of ministry was my grind today. Just having to get dressed and leave the house was rough; sitting around waiting to preach once I got there; having to talk to people that I didn’t necessarily enjoy afterward. I actually love speaking to most people after I preach, but every once in a while there is one or two that are just tedious and hard to bear. I had two of those today, LOL.

Emmanuel being with me today was great! However him leaving with me was bad, LOL. What I mean is once we got there I was so glad that he was with me. However, I was really annoyed this morning as we prepared to leave. He caused me to leave very late. It was almost as bad as taking the kids waiting around on him, LOL! I was really glad to have him though. He is awesome and I got to show him off. He is looking great too, on day five of his master cleanse.

The Daily Reflection

Standards should never bend, waver or wobble. That is why they are called STANDards. We ought to STAND firm when it comes to our standards. Today I had to go against the grain. At the youth conference there were other speakers before me, some of whom promoted the use of condoms and birth control for “safe sex”. Being a preacher of the Gospel I had to plainly say when I spoke that I could not promote the use of such agents because the bible says that sex outside of marriage is sin. I went on to say that there is nothing that you can do to “protect” yourself when the hand of God is against you! I am sure that made some in the room upset, but uncompromising STANDards will do that sometimes.

40 Days of Fasting: Day 12

October 14, 2009 at 10:07 pm | Posted in Fasting, Master Cleanse | 3 Comments
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Wednesday October 14, 2009

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

I feel really good today. I woke up with a renewed sense of strength about around 8:30am. As soon as I opened my eyes, The Lord began to speak to me about how to attack this candida! I asked Him for wisdom and then He gave it to me just like that. I am excited about what He shared with me so that I can get my health together.

The Personal Goal

Wednesday is double sale day at Whole Foods so I have set this as my weekly shopping day. Therefore my main goal today is to get out of the house and go shopping early. I also need to get some laundry done. Although, I’d have to be honest in saying that shopping and doing laundry in the same day is a bit much. Plus tonight the children usually go to church with Dad and I have two precious hours of “alone time”. I don’t want to spend it doing laundry so we’ll see how it goes, LOL.

One thing that I am really hoping for as a result of this fast is to have more structure in my life as a whole. One of the reason my diet has been so bad is due to my erratic schedule. I never know when I will have time to stop and eat and then I get overly hungry and eat the wrong things. Therefore, I know having a more set schedule will really help me eat better.

The Body

My body is no better than it’s been. My sinus problems have worsened. The Nystatin has helped to alleviate the thrush in my mouth somewhat, but I can feel this Candida taking its toll on me. I am in so much pain. I have tingling in my hands and feet. My head is hurting. My mouth is dry. I am just not in good physical condition at all right now. As a matter of fact, I am in so much pain that I would have to say that I really don’t recommend the Master Cleanse for anyone who has Candida. I was not this bad off before I started drinking all of this maple syrup daily!

The Juice

I didn’t want to drink any just at all today. However, I did not have the necessary ingredients to start my new plan. I needed some nourishment before shopping so I have about 12oz of juice leftover from yesterday. That was my last time drinking the spicy lemonade. I will miss it. I really did like it. I’ll be on a whole new host of liquids starting tomorrow. I will however continue to drink lemon water with the same formula (2TBS lemon juice for every 10oz of water.) It’s the lemon that really does the cleansing, not the maple! The maple just added the extra nutrients but I will be getting those nutrients from some other liquids now.

The Detox Process

This morning I was shocked to wake up with diarrhea. I didn’t take any laxative, enemas, or SWF. I was just lying in bed and all of a sudden I had to go. I had diarrhea and it was very slimy. I thought this was strange until I filled out a candida worksheet tonight; turns out that slimy diarrhea is a one of the symptoms! I never had this problem before Master Cleanse. I’ve had candida for a while, but the symptoms have just gotten so much worse!

The Human Influencers

My greatest positive influence has become my new friend Melody. I found her On-line. It just so happened that she was keeping a blog about a 40 day fast that she was doing and she started almost the same time as me! I left her a message on her blog and asked if we could pray together. She accepted my offer and we have been talking daily for a few days now. Praying with Melody and just being able to share with her about this experience knowing that she relates gives me so much strength. She was truly sent from God!

The Spirit

My spirit feels blessed and at peace tonight. I am not moved by what is going on in my body. God is speaking to me. I hear Him and He is helping me. He is going to completely make me over during this time and I know that I won’t be the same after this is over.

The Daily Grind

Today was a grind indeed! I was at the grocery store for about three hours. Then it took another hour and a half to put it all away while giving snacks to the children at the same time. (We were just starting to put the groceries away when they got home from school!) Then I had to run back out to go get my candida supplements from the health food store. I was then backing home to cook dinner. It was something I had not made before so it took longer than I’d thought it would. Then I had to feed the babies!

I did not rest all day from about 9:00am until about 7:45pm. It felt so good to finally sit down!

Dinner by the way was DELICICOUS! Emmanuel is on his 2nd day of the Master Cleanse so he can no longer taste food for me. So I had to taste it myself tonight. OMG that food I made was sooo tasty. I had to chew to see if the veggies and pasta were tender but I spit it all out. If I cheat I’ll only be cheating myself. Having to taste what I cook will make it harder but I am still committed!

The Daily Reflection

DIShonesty and DISintegrity can often lead to DISappointment! Today I did something dishonest. I wanted to get a refund for a colon cleanse supplement I had purchased and didn’t like. Because I bought the product at Wal-Mart and had already used some of it, I didn’t think they would take it back. So I glued the box shut and tried to pretend that I had not used it. I had my receipt so I really didn’t think it would be a problem. I must have had a guilty look because the cashier called her manager and they opened the box up and counted the product! I was denied the refund and was of course disappointed.

Why did I do this? I did it because of a lack mentality. I needed that refund to buy the new products and didn’t trust God enough to provide for me! That’s a lack mentality and a lack mentality will eventually lead to dishonest dealings. I am so glad that He let me get caught in my scheme. If I had gotten away with it I would not have had to reckon with the injustice in my heart. It was wrong what I did and my disappointment went from being over not getting the refund to being over my own lack of integrity.

If you do something dishonest and it does not work out, praise God!

40 Days of Fasting – Day 11

October 13, 2009 at 10:03 pm | Posted in Fasting, Master Cleanse | 1 Comment
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(Please note that at this point the Master Cleanse formula is not my focus anymore. Therefore  I will just use this new title format for the rest of the entries.)

The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

How am I feeling today? In a word – blah! This is the worst day that I’ve had so far! I am tired and cranky. I have not been cranky at all until today. It seems like I lost some momentum. It’s like a shift took place in my mind once the 10 day Master Cleanse period ended. I could be finished by now if I had not set a goal of 40 days. Why did I do this???

The Personal Goal

I didn’t set any personal goals today. I got up early and listened in for service on THE CHURCH on the Phone. I thought that would be a good thing but in all honesty I think it was a setback. Oh the service was great, but my body did not respond well to getting up that early. It seemed I spent all day trying to recuperate. I don’t think I am going to try to do service anymore until I start eating again! Anyway, due to waking up so early it threw my schedule off and so I never wrote in my journal this morning to set goals.

The Body

My body, what is wrong with my body? I feel like I am on day one or two. This doesn’t make any sense. It is almost as if the Detox is starting from scratch. I feel terrible. I am very, VERY weak; extremely hungry; I had a terrible headache all day; I have a rash on my face; thrush in my mouth and my breath and feces smell foul (which has not been the case throughout)! Somebody tell me what is going on here!!!

The Juice

Everything was bad today. My husband bought some lemons from a different store. They were still organic but they looked so weird. They were huge like some deformed looking oranges. And guess what? They tasted as bad as they looked. I struggled to drink today. Those lemons were gross. It was like drinking dish soap; that’s what they tasted like, dish soap!

The Detox Process

I trudged my way through SWF this morning. I struggled to drink and the elimination seemed minimal. The thing I noticed most, as I mentioned earlier, is that the feces had an odor to it. That is strange because my feces lost its odor after the 2nd day. My only reasoning for all of these changes going on is that my body is going through a deeper level of detoxing now. Perhaps the first 10 days were just scratching the surface. Lord please give me wisdom. I have to change my program but I don’t know what to do…

The Human Influencers

There were many influencers today, but I think I will write about the most recent. I called a health guru (he calls himself a healing Evangelist actually). He was recommended by a friend for his 31 years of excellent service in the area of helping people get healthy naturally. He really sounds like he knows his stuff but his conversation with me was discouraging. He did everything he could to try and get me to see that I should break this fast! He suggested that I could eat just a little bit and said that God would still be pleased! I didn’t need to hear that.

I am struggling but I need to finish this. This is a personal quest that I am on. God didn’t tell me to do this, I asked Him for the privilege and the strength to do this and I don’t want to back down!

The Spirit

How is my spirit tonight? In a word – determined! I know that God can sustain me. I admit that I am having unexpected and adverse results in my body. However, I don’t want some minor (or even major) inconveniences to turn me back. I know I need to change my program because I do need to come out on the other side healthy and strong, but turning back to food is not the answer.

The Daily Grind

My whole day was a grind today, just my existence on earth was a grind today, LOL. I did manage to do half of one head and half of another. (I guess that makes a whole, but not on one body, LOL). I cooked dinner again and envied my children as they ate, LOL. I prayed throughout the day and I taught bible study tonight on the phone. Other than this though, I didn’t get much done. I struggled to maintain today and fell asleep in the middle of the day.

I blame myself because I wasted time today. I allowed myself to get distracted and I think that was my biggest setback. Someone posted a funny youtube clip on Facebook. The next thing I know, more than 2 hours later I am still on youtube! I know better than this. I can’t afford these kinds of distractions!

The Daily Reflection

Every moment of broken focus today represents a delay somewhere in your future! I broke my focus on this fast today and I suffered for it. It is hard right now and I turned to carnal distractions to help “pass the time”. Big mistake! I must keep my F-O-C-U-S: Fixation On Christ and Ultimate Success!

Check back tomorrow to see how I’m doing!

In His Compassion,

Dr. Intimacy (Laneen Haniah)

www.drintimacy.com

www.heartcompassion.org

My Master Cleanse Experiene – Day 10: Monday October 12, 2009

October 12, 2009 at 11:08 pm | Posted in Fasting, Master Cleanse | Leave a comment
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The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

Wow, it is day ten. As each day goes by I wake up more amazed. I can’t believe the strength that I have had to get through this. This morning, I wake up with a renewed since of peace. Just knowing that I have brought order to my room is very refreshing. That sense of dread about getting out of bed is gone. I won’t trip over anything; I won’t have to dig through a pile of clothes to find my slipper, LOL. It seems as the fast progresses so do I. I am accomplishing things that I couldn’t even do before I was fasting!

The Personal Goal

Yesterday I was so consumed with cleaning that I did not study at all and prayed very little. Therefore, at the top of my agenda today is to get in some quality prayer and study time. I will also be diligent to maintain the order that has been created in my room.  I neglected my children’s hair yesterday and some administrative work that needed to be done. So I don’t think I will clean anything new today, but to maintain what I’ve done will be sufficient as I try to catch up on some other things that were neglected yesterday.

The Body

My body feels very weak this morning. I had a throbbing headache upon awakening. As usual, I went to bed very late (around 2am). I tried to get up at 3:30am for THE CHURCH on the Phone, but I just didn’t think it was a good idea. I was weak, exhausted and in pain and thought it would be wise to get more rest than one and half hours. I couldn’t believe how much pain I was in last night after cleaning all day. My left knee was swollen and my back and hips ached.

The thrush is getting so bad. My mouth looks very unappealing inside and is very achy. It is making it hard to drink my juice. I started Nystatin last night but I only have a little bit. That is prescription med and I cannot afford a trip to the doctor right to get more. What I am using is left over from a previous infection. Oh God please help me!

The Juice

I didn’t make juice today. I sipped on juice that I had left over from last night. I just haven’t had the strength in the morning to make it. I am waking up so late that after I do SWF it is 11 or 12 before I take a sip of juice. As a result I have not been drinking as much juice for the course of the day and I have lost weight. I lost three pounds and am down to 108! That’s not good. I really have to try and get more juice in. Another factor is the thrush mouth though. My mouth hurts and I don’t want to drink.

The Detox Process

Interestingly enough, I woke up this morning and eliminated without doing anything. I did not drink any laxative tea last night nor did I do SWF this morning. I don’t know why I suddenly had to eliminate on my own but since I did I just chose not to do SWF. Instead I did an enema. It was a struggle. It seemed like the water didn’t want to go in. It was like my rectal canal was swollen or something. I did finally finish though and did not feel quite satisfied. My stomach was upset and it seemed like I still needed to eliminate. I really believe this has to do with the Candida.

The Human Influencers

I have met a wonderful influencer. She is another blogger that I came across that just so happened to be in the midst of her own 40 day fast. We have been emailing and blogging each other for the last few days, but today we actually spoke on the phone. You know it is always a little weird speaking to someone on the phone that you met On-line. However there was such a natural flow with her. She is on day six so we are pretty close in days. I am so glad to have someone to share this experience with; I think it is really going to help me.

The Spirit

My spirit feels good today in spite of the many challenges I face physically today. I am growing and I can feel it on the inside and see it on the outside. Positive change is taking place in my life. My son Ja’Keim (the one estranged) called me today. It was so good to hear his voice. Unlike in times past, he was very pleasant. It seems that this fasting is bringing order into many areas of my life.

The Daily Grind

There was not a whole lot of grind today. I took it very easy. I spent a lot of time in deep, quality prayer today and study. I certainly met that goal. I did not get any administrative work done. I had a meeting that I had to cancel for tonight. I didn’t work on my kids’ hair. I was very, VERY weak today. It was pretty bad. Will it be like this for the next 30 days? Yahweh please help me!

I did manage to cook a delicious dinner of fresh steamed spinach, yellow rice and backed chicken. Not only did I have to cook and serve the food but I also had to feed my two youngest. My husband offered to help but I don’t want him to feel like he has to carry my weight during this fast. Besides, I hold myself personally accountable to make sure my children are eating delicious healthy foods during this time (and from now on!) I have been cooking delicious food almost every day, many things that I have never even cooked before. They gobble it up every night. It’s amazing to watch!

The Daily Reflection

Lack of joy can severely undermine the progression of discipline and even bring it to an abrupt end! I can remember how many times during my life that discipline seemed to be my very nature until depression set in. When my joy left so did my desire and strength to live a disciplined life. I guess discipline seems obsolete when pleasure becomes a necessary means of emotional survival and discipline would somehow hinder our chosen vice of said pleasure!

Check back tomorrow to see how I’m doing!

In His Compassion,

Dr. Intimacy (Laneen Haniah)

www.drintimacy.com

www.heartcompassion.org

My Master Cleanse Experience – Day 9: Sunday October 11, 2009

October 11, 2009 at 9:37 pm | Posted in Fasting, Master Cleanse | Leave a comment
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The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

“I’m cold!” This is my first thought this morning. The temperatures are unusually cold here in North Texas, just as our summer was. As I mentioned in my intro, there are many repairs needed in my home that we cannot afford right now. Our broken thermostat is one of them. These kinds of challenges put pressure on me to quit and turn to my favorite food comforts. I feel strong being able to press forward in the face of this kind of adversity. There was a time when I would let inconveniences and disappoints demobilize me. At this time in my life I’ve decided to put childish tantrums of refusal to cooperate with the development of my purpose behind me. I’m moving forward steadily, no matter what doesn’t go my way!

The Personal Goal

I feel strong this morning. I am going for the gusto today – cleaning I mean, LOL. I am going to get my room cleaned up! I was going to go to church but I decided to stay home and put my energy toward cleaning. My husband was really disappointed when we didn’t clean on Friday and I don’t blame him. It looks like a tornado came through our bedroom. If God’s grace is with me on this fast, and I know that it is, then I will be able to fulfill all of my household duties. Emmanuel does a lot around the house, but it takes the two of us working together to really keep things running smoothly. Personal goal for today, disaster relief for my room! LOL

The Body

I felt good waking up this morning, other than the fact that I was cold. I still have not rejoined THE CHURCH on the Phone yet (4am Christian fellowship) but I don’t feel any tremendous press to do that. I am going to give my body as much rest as it needs right now.

My weight is holding steady at about 111, give or take a few ounces. The thrush has grown in my mouth. I am still getting headaches daily. They are not as bad as they were before starting the cleanse but I am praying that I can live headache free. They’ve gotten worse over the last few days and I wonder if that is due to the fact that I have had the heat on in the house.

The Juice

I have been drinking juice leftover from yesterday all this morning. It seems like I do not desire the juice as much as I did when I first started the program. I remember the first day I didn’t like it at all. The pepper burned too much. I quickly grew accustomed to the taste though and really started to look forward to those spicy, sweet swigs of nutrition, lol. Now I just don’t seem to want to drink. I only got in five cups yesterday. It’s 1:00pm already and I haven’t even finished my second cup. What this means, I really don’t know.

The Detox Process

I skipped SWF this morning. The cold temperatures in my home deterred me from getting out of bed until after 9:00am, at which time I was way overdue to cook breakfast for my children, LOL! I am thinking about an enema later tonight, we’ll see how the day goes.

Something interesting to share is the fact that I saw dead worms on my tissue yesterday when wiping! When I do SWF, the last eliminations are usually just clear like urine. So when I wiped I saw what appeared to be a small grayish worm on the tissue. I wasn’t sure until the next I went to the bathroom I saw the same thing. This was gross but it was so good to know that this cleanse is getting this nasty stuff out of me!

The Human Influencers

My family is being super supportive and it really means a lot to me. My children are very empathetic. They cannot imagine going without food for this long so they are really trying to help as much as possible. Today my nine year old daughter Nebiyah said, “Yeah, it’s your last day”. Dad had told her I was doing 10 days but then I told her that I was not finished and didn’t want to discuss how much longer it would be since it would make the days drag on. And she said, “You know Mom, the days are going by really fast.” That was an encouraging statement and I appreciated it. They are going by fast. I can make it.

The Spirit

My spirit is really rejoicing tonight. I didn’t get to church today, I didn’t pray much, and I didn’t read at all. So why am I rejoicing? I just felt God’s strength moving in me so mightily. I can really sense the oneness between He and I coming into fruition. I can’t really explain it, but it’s a blessed reality to live in.

The Daily Grind

I feel like singing that little song from Dora the Explorer. The lyrics are: “I did it, I did it, I did it, yeah I did it, I did it, I did it, HORRAY!” I finally got some significant cleaning done!!! I am so exhilarated about this. I can’t believe how junky my room was. I am actually sitting at my desk typing this and it is clean. I have typed all of my other entries on my laptop because my desk was too messy to even sit over here. It took me about 7 hours and I am only about 70% finish with this one room (my bedroom). I am so happy though. I pray the Lord’s strength to keep working through the house this entire week so that it will be in tip-top shape by the time Sabbath comes around again.

I will go to bed happy tonight… and without tripping over anything, LOL!

The Daily Reflection

So often our natural surroundings are reflective of a current or prior state of inner being. The chaos in my room was a reflection of the chaos that consumed my inner being when my life was devastated back in April. I am generally a clean and organized person, but the chaotic energy of my soul radiated into my surroundings. Order is returning and my surroundings are reflecting that change.

Check back tomorrow to see how I’m doing!

In His Compassion,

Dr. Intimacy (Laneen Haniah)

www.drintimacy.com

www.heartcompassion.org

My Master Cleanse Experience – Day 8: Saturday October 10, 2009

October 10, 2009 at 9:37 pm | Posted in Fasting, Master Cleanse | Leave a comment
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The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

Wow day eight! I am so proud to have made it this far. I have not eaten one morsel of food in seven days. I fasted on no food once before for eight days so at the end of today I will have matched my previous level and then I shall excel. That’s a good feeling! It is Sabbath. I feel great. It is also a special time on the Jewish calendar, the day that Yahweh releases our joy for the rest of the year! I receive it!

The Personal Goal

Yesterday was really rough for me because of the severe stomach pain all day and not drinking any of the lemonade. Today I want to be sure to get in plenty of lemonade and get my energy back up. I would like to do at least 15 minutes of exercise too.

I have a more important goal today though. We have been observing Sabbath for about 3 years now as a family. Well I just learned last week that there are designated scripture readings for each Sabbath that millions of people all over the world follow! This is exciting to know and so beginning this Shabbat (Sabbath), I want to read these scriptures with my family. I have the Jewish calendar and the scriptures are marked out for me so going over these scriptures day, and every Shabbat will be my most important goals on Saturdays from now on.

God is really moving on Emmanuel too. He had a lot more excitement about Sabbath today and getting connected to our Hebraic roots. This is so exciting. I heard about God answering prayers when we fast but this change in my husband is taking place way faster than I expected. AWESOME! Thank you Yeshua!

The Body

I didn’t feel too bad this morning. I had a lot of pain in my back, but that is about every morning. I think it is because of my mattress. It is really hard. My sinuses were all clogged and tight as usual. However I had more energy than I expected to have. After not drinking any lemonade until late last night I really thought I would wake up very weak, but I didn’t.

The thrush in my mouth is much worse today. I am going to have to treat it because my mouth is starting to hurt. I will research some homeopathic cures today and if I can’t find any, I have some Nystatin here from the last time I had thrush. Father please heal my body of the Candida.

The Juice

I have respect for the juice, LOL! I didn’t drink juice yesterday and man did I feel it. It was so hard preparing meals for my family yesterday. I have not experienced any difficultly preparing meals for my family until yesterday. And the weakness I experienced made me feel like I was going to fall out. THE JUICE MAKES A DIFFERENCE!!!

Not only did I learn how much this juice nourishes and strengthens, but also how healing it is. Around 7pm last night my stomach was still in pain from that terrible laxative. So I decided that since my stomach had not felt better anyway that I would go ahead and drink my juice even though it would probably trigger more diarrhea. Amazingly, the juice healed my stomach. As soon as I drank it the pain went away. Just imagine — I spent all day in weakness and in pain when all I needed to do was drink my juice. Lesson learned!

The Detox Process

I really didn’t think that I would have anything interesting to say about SWF after 8 days, but I was wrong again! I experimented today with a different kind of sea salt; hand harvested French sea salt that cost $30 per pound. I used the same formula I did last time, 4 cups cold water, juice of 1 lemon and 2tsp of salt. The results? NOTHING! Absolutely nothing, for almost an hour it all stayed inside. When it did finally come out it, was just a little bit. I had to drink two additional cups of water to finally get it moving.

I wonder if it is the different salt, or perhaps my system is still messed up from the laxative yesterday. Could it be because I haven’t done SWF in 2 days? Or, perhaps the fact that I held it in this time instead eliminating when I felt the first impulse. I don’t know! Tomorrow I will try the regular salt again and see how it goes.

The Human Influencers

The cat is out of the bag. I finally had to tell my husband that I intend to go 40 days. He kept pressing me about when I was going to stop because I was giving him elusive answers every time he asked me about it. He wants to do Master Cleanse too but he didn’t want to start until I was finished and that is when I had to tell him. His response was very much what I thought it would be. “40 days? That’s a long time Laneen.” he said in a very somber voice. I was so on point with his concern that me fasting for 40 days would put pressure on him in the house. I reminded him that I have been taking care of business since I started fasting and he reminded me that it was still very early. It was a somewhat discouraging conversation but I had to remind him of his own long 21 day fast when we first got married and how I supported him. So I am glad that is over with, now I can move on in peace.

The Spirit

I feel spiritually wonderful tonight as I type my closing notes for day eight. I have truly been refreshed spiritually by the Sabbath. I did quite a bit of studying today and felt more intimate with The Lord. He just felt closer to me as I struggled in my body to make it through today. I am looking forward to the spiritual growth that is going to come forth out of this fast.

The Daily Grind

Today was pretty easy going – as Sabbath should be. I spent a great deal of time on SWF this morning. Other than that I did not do much. We went for a family drive together to go and look at the kind of house we pray we will one day soon live in. We came home and I cooked frozen pizza (from the health food store of course) for the kids. It smelled and looked delicious. Oh how I wanted some. I had to stop and pray for strength. Then I had to cook something separate for Emmanuel because he is still on the 100 Days consecration and is eating vegetarian only right now.

Afterwards we read the Shabbat scriptures that I mentioned in my personal goal. Wow! What a blessing that was. It was a powerful time for us. Then we did the Sabbath closing ceremony which is called Havdalah. We have not done this closing ceremony in quite a while. I just see God moving in this area so mightily. I just really feel blessed and happy about this. (big cheesy grin 😀)

No exercise today. I felt weak all day. My strength didn’t come back. I pray that it is not going to be like this again tomorrow. It is time to do heads once again and get the little people ready for another week of school so I need strength tomorrow. Please help me Father.

The Daily Reflection

“What do you want? How bad do you want it? What are you willing to sacrifice to get it?” These are questions that I often ask others when ministering to them. I will be asking myself these questions daily for the next 32 days as this fast will probably get increasingly more difficult.

What do I want?

To walk in the fullness of God’s plan and purpose for my life.

How bad do I want it?

Enough to stop making excuses and go after it with all my heart no matter the cost.

What am I willing to sacrifice to get it?

40 days without food…

Check back tomorrow to see how I’m doing!

In His Compassion,

Dr. Intimacy (Laneen Haniah)

www.drintimacy.com

www.heartcompassion.org

My Master Cleanse Experience – Day 7: Friday October 9, 2009

October 9, 2009 at 4:31 pm | Posted in Fasting, Master Cleanse | 4 Comments
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The Soul (mind, will, emotions)

I feel pretty good this morning. I am a little disappointed by this continual digression in my health but I know it is a part of the process. This is becoming more challenging than I wanted it to be. I mean, initially I thought it was going to be a lot more challenging than it’s been. However, I flew through it with such ease that I got spoiled, LOL. I let my guard down and I am going to have to “man up” so to speak, if I expect to make it through this. I’m not about to quit now!

The Personal Goal

I don’t even want to attempt a personal goal today because I had set that goal with my husband last night and it has already been thwarted. My goal was to get up early and he and I clean together before he left for his afternoon appointment. Well it is 10:14am now. It has not been long since I got up and he has to leave in about 20 minutes! Ughhh! Why does this house cleaning keep eluding me? Now I have some desk work that I have to do for my clients and Emmanuel wants to go to church tonight which means that I have to do my babies’ hair and I will have to cook dinner later and I still have to make my juice for today. With way my body is feeling the way that it does I don’t know if cleaning is in my future today. I didn’t sleep until 4:30am this morning… we’ll see.

The Body

Bad news indeed, I definitely do have thrush mouth. Apparently the Master Cleanse has exasperated the symptoms of Candida Albicans. This is an overgrowth of yeast in the body. I knew I had this condition before I started, but I had hoped the cleanse would cure it. I was skeptical about this though since Candida feeds on any type of sugar (like the daily pound of maple syrup in the juice mixture)! Some of the main symptoms of Candida are: body aches (check), foggy brain (check), headaches (check), coated tongue (check), sinus problems (check), gas (Wow! Double-check on that – I didn’t know) and oral or vaginal yeast infection (check again).  So… now what?

The Juice

I haven’t made juice yet today. My first thought this morning, after seeing the thrush in my mouth and waking up in pain and with a headache, was to research Candida. I have been sipping on some juice leftover from yesterday and will make a batch soon. I may be making some adjustments to the mixture though. One of the focal points of this fast is the healing of my body in order to gain strength and stamina for my service of the Lord. If the juice is going to agitate the Candida then I will still be in bad shape at the end of 40 days. At least for the next 3 days though (possibly even seven), I am going to leave it as is. I want to give the juice a chance to work. Perhaps I am just in a healing crisis right now.

The Detox Process

I drank a different laxative tea last night. It was still pretty nasty, as they all have proven to be. However unlike that crap I drank the night before LOL, I at least could get it down. It was supposed to produce a bowel movement in 6-12 hours. Well, unfortunately for me it produced it in about 3. At 2:30 in the morning I was running to the toilet. It was certainly effective. I actually passed a solid clump, which was surprising. I have never passed anything solid since using SWF after the first day. I wonder what it was, yuk! Nonetheless, the laxative produced very painful severe cramps and still has me going to the bathroom even now!  I hate laxatives. They are too unpredictable and painful. I am going to stick to just SWF from now on. My belly is in too much pain to do it today but I’ll be back on with it in the morning.

The Human Influencers

Well, I so didn’t make it on the “no sex thing”! LOL, when I first read about the Master Cleanse it was indicated that it would experience increased libido. I’m a witness! I always have a great time with Emmanuel but… WOW! Last night was… Ok, I don’t make a habit of speaking of my intimate life with my husband so let me not start now, lol. It is sufficient to say that there was a very notable difference and I would recommend this for every married couple!

That being said, I would really like to try to maintain these next 34 days in abstinence. My husband is super attracted to me during this cleanse. He loves the way I look and the whole notion of “being clean” is just a turn on to him. Couple that with my increased libido and I am going to need a whole lot of Jesus to stay abstinent, lol. Thank God I am married so I am not in sin. I am blessed if I do or blessed if I don’t, LOL.

The Spirit

As I mentioned in one of my earlier post, the condition of your physical body will have an effect on your spiritual stamina. I am happy to announce that I got quite a bit of reading in today and I met my three prayer times. However, I just didn’t (and still don’t) have the energy in my body to go as hard as I’d like to in prayer. I won’t even be able to make it to church tonight. My prayer is that all of this is going to pay off both naturally and spiritually and yield the desired result of a closer walk with God.

The Daily Grind

The grind was on my stomach today. So much pain all day long! I am so taking that stupid tea back to the store. It is called “Smooth Move” and I would suggest you stay away from it on this cleanse. Maybe if I had food in my stomach it wouldn’t be so harsh. I don’t know, but I was in great abdominal pain all day. It was hardly worth it as I was not even able to drink my juice today. I could only have plain peppermint tea and even that caused pain.

Now to anyone who doubts the nutritional benefits of the lemon juice mixture, I can assure you that they are real. What a difference in my energy level today. I was extremely week. I hardly moved from the same spot all day. My knees were shaky all day. My stomach was pained with hunger and the cravings were pretty serious. On other days I have craved food, but it was usually for something healthy. Today, I just wanted to eat anything! (I still have to cook dinner and I am not looking forward to that.)

My head was hurting and it was hard to stay awake. I didn’t get any of my goals accomplished. Yet I refused to waste the day. I did a lot of research on Candida today and on Lupus and will be making some adjustments to my plan next week. I am posting my closing early today because I just want to turn this computer off and rest. In a couple of hours Shabbat will begin and I can’t wait. Yahweh please restore my strength during this time of rest in Yeshua’s name, Amen.

The Daily Reflection

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me… I can complete this fast, not because I can, but because He can.

Check back tomorrow to see how I’m doing!

In His Compassion,

Dr. Intimacy (Laneen Haniah)

www.drintimacy.com

www.heartcompassion.org

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